Category Archives: Personal

Personal

Reminder

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I was this close to getting my card punched around 11:30 today. Coincidentally, that’s almost exactly the time the plane crash happened 35 years ago today.

I waited at the light at Gregg Avenue and Appleby. When the light turned green, I took my time. It’s a dangerous intersection. A white sedan blew through the red light, going at least 60 mph. It was heading north in the fast lane. If you know the intersection, you know visibility is poor when you’re turning left onto Gregg because of the restricted corner and setback stop line for Appleby. Because traffic in the slow (right) lane was stopped and backed up, I couldn’t see someone flying down the fast lane.

I swerved slightly left as I was turning and came to an abrupt halt. It was ‘just’ enough. The white sedan missed by about an inch as it blew through the light. A half-second earlier and I would have been smashed into oblivion. I’m not sure what triggered my response.

It’s only been a week since I saw an accident in front of me in the same spot.

The weird thing? I didn’t have a reaction. Zilch. No adrenaline, no fast heartbeat, nothing.

My subconscious was working in overdrive, and doubly so because today is the 35th anniversary of the plane crash. I think I was mentally prepared for another plane crash in honor of the ridiculous and capricious universe we live in.

When I finished my turn and continued down Gregg, something was off about my brake and gas pedals. It turned out my phone had flown forward and lodged under my foot when I came to an abrupt halt to avoid getting T-boned.

PS I’ve been remiss in buying lottery tickets. Until today. Probability is for the weak-minded.

Deanne, Death, Personal, Psychology, Safety, Security

35 Years

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Thirty-five years have passed since September 28th, 1991.

One of us was a world-class pilot, and the other was a rudderless young man with no clear direction. The pilot’s incredible ability couldn’t overcome the habit he practiced. That’s how I ended up looking into the September sky and seeing his parachute floating down, a grey-silver jacket inside it.

I met him only in death.

That day rarely touches me deeply. Not beyond the cerebral and superficial. This September infected me with a desire simply to get past it.

When it does touch me, it is a chill on the back of my neck.

You can do everything right and still fail. You can also do the most minor thing, a thing you’ve done countless times, until the universe notices and adjusts your arc in life without any consolation or care. If you do two things wrong, the odds don’t double. They become infinite.

I can’t stress enough how gifted this pilot was. His family in Illinois was legendary for their flight simulators. Some reports indicate he ran out of fuel; I’m not certain whether that was true. Whether he jumped or fell out of his plane, he didn’t have part of his parachute attached. I’m certain he did it a million times. Those two things had the final say in his life. How the plane and pilot landed on the ground basically in the same spot still bewilders me. The capricious luck that kept either of them from killing me is never lost on me.

Some of you rightfully caution me about climbing trees, especially in the dark, or about meandering while the world sleeps. There’s no such thing as safety. It’s exactly like when I went skydiving; there is a slight risk, of course. It is the appearance of relative danger that makes it enjoyable. It’s surrender as you fall out or jump.

It is VERY rare for me now, but sometimes, I find myself hesitating at doors. Thirty-five years ago, I jumped up and ran out of my bedroom to investigate. I opened the door to mayhem. I get tenuous glimpses of it in dreams that immediately fade. Not too long ago, I heard a commotion and ran out of my apartment and into another one to see someone needing CPR. Pun aside, I went into autopilot.

I had two tremendous lessons like this.

Both deaths happened in September.

Both of them died unexpectedly in their early 30s.

Both of them were within feet of each other, separated by decades.

Most of the time, they are simple memories from a lifetime ago. Other times, I look up into the blue of the September sky and wonder about probabilities. If it can happen once, it can happen twice. And also, that no matter how big or small the world seems, it is happening to someone right now.

X
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Personal

Unicyclist

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I thought I was being stared at.

Instead, it was the unicyclist coming up the hill behind me drawing attention.

It’s not every day you see a unicyclist ride up to work.

He was REALLY good. Double kudos to him for agility and economics.
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Art, Personal

Finally

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Although the actual equinox happened Tuesday, last night was 4 minutes from the literal one. I finally captured all 18 of my solar bottles activating simultaneously. That’s the sun in the corner of my window, illuminating my living room. There aren’t actually any lights on in there.

Lemon Moment, Personal

Smart!

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I was ambling out of a building today. 

“Uncle Richard!” It was a high-pitched little girl’s voice. Looking up, I saw the most precious little girl with brightly colored glasses smiling at me. She was probably 5 years old.

Her mom stopped and softly told her that I wasn’t her uncle. 

Looking at me, the mom said that I did look extremely similar to her brother-in-law. 

I was going to ask if he was prone to wearing brightly colored glasses, but the little girl spoke again. 

“What’s your name?”

“Do you want to play Rumpelstiltskin? I’ll give you 27 guesses.”

This is where it got fascinating. 

The little girl smiled. “I don’t need any guesses. Your name is X.”

I know I looked stupid for a couple of seconds. It’s not just that I forgot about my name badge. No one looking at it ever correctly assumes that the big X on there is my name. As far as I can tell, only psychopaths and weirdos have names like mine. 

“How do you know that?”

“Your name is in the corresponding space for names.” 

I laughed and looked at her mom in surprise. For a child that age, her vocabulary and logical deduction about my name and badge was truly astonishing. 

“You are a very smart girl aren’t you?” 

“I hope I will be.”

“Say hello to your uncle Richard for me, okay?”

The little girl smiled. “Of course.”

I would say that I thought I might have just met one of our future presidents. But she’s much too smart for that.

PS The picture is one of the talkative and quarrelsome crows that likes to fly by me. 

Fayetteville, Humor, Lemon Moment, Personal

A Story Of Revenge

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Because I got up even earlier than should be possible, I walked the dead man hill route and cut south. When I made it to North Street, the number of young people out around 1:30 was ridiculous. 

By the time I looped back around and walked a short stretch of Leverett, three different cars had driven by with young men screaming from the windows in an attempt to startle me. It happens a lot. I wish I could tell all these young guys who have obviously been drinking that riding around with the back passenger window open while wearing a backward baseball cap is tantamount to catnip for police. 

After I turned on Leverett again, a little white Hondaesque car drove by me slowly. Can you guess? Yet another inebriated young guy leaned out the window and screamed. “Wooooo!”

Even though I was expecting it, I jumped and laughed. The young guy leaned further out the window and waved, laughing. 

The car turned on the very next left onto Hazel Street. It’s very close to Leverett. For no reason at all, I walked around the same corner.  The Hondaesque car had stopped at the intersection of Hazel and Storer. The brake lights were lit, so I knew somebody was in the car. 

I’m pretty sure one of the occupants was either stopping to confirm his membership in the chess club or securing more alcohol. I’ll let you decide which is more likely.

It was at that moment that I realized that Bobby Dean was calling. I walked quickly across the grass and against the trees just in case one of the car’s occupants might see me. When I was about ten feet away, I darted over to the passenger side. Keep in mind it’s about 2:00 a.m.

At the top of my lungs (two feet from the car), I screamed: “WHAT’S UP C*******ERS!” 

(You have to use the terminology that young university men are prone to use, not to mention a nod to my dad.)

It turns out that two of the occupants had exited the vehicle when they arrived. Both passengers in the back seat screamed like elementary school girls. 

It was as if they moved in slow motion as they overreacted. It didn’t occur to me to run off. 

Both of the young guys fortunately thought it was hilarious. 

“Be safe and watch out for the Watermelon Man,” I said before walking away, still grinning like an idiot. 

PS The Watermelon Man is a fable invented by my dad, Bobby Dean. He’s always out at night and you never see him coming until he wants you to. 

.*The picture is of beautiful new buildings recently constructed on the corner of Sycamore and Leverett. I had what should have been beautiful shots of the university skyline, but both turned out to be Mr. McGoo shots.

Lemon Moment, Personal

Saturday

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I had a couple of more great moments. Spending the morning watching the multiple hummingbirds jet around was definitely worth it. I have one I nicknamed “Machine Gun” for obvious reasons. It is non-stop LOUD.

I waited until later to take Güino for a walk. As soon as we got around to the back of the building, a squirrel announced his disapproval from on top of my barbecue grill back there. I don’t speak squirrel, but he called my cat every dirty name in the book.

It started sprinkling big heavy drops. Güino danced around and darted back and forth because evidently he decided that he could evade the drops if he just acted crazy enough. He led me on a fast march down the alleyway. And then decided to borrow into the deep pile of leaves close to Gregg. I had to dig him out.

He must have learned a bad lesson from the squirrel because he spent the trip up the stairs onto my landing complaining about the utter disrespect of being made to go back inside.

Lemon Moment, Personal

Orion In The Trees

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Orion through the gap in the top of the old post oak tree. The Lepus constellation was visible too, even though it doesn’t show well in this picture. I earned this picture. Post oak trees don’t get massively vertical. Instead, they get broader, much like genX as supper at 5p.m. becomes the norm. That’s why these trees have huge thick branches that extend perpendicularly close to the ground. 

It was easy to get into the tree. Quite another thing to get past the middle of it in the dark. Once I was up there, I defied gravity by not wanting to come down. 

I already knew it would be the memorable moment for the day. Coming down felt like defeat.

Lemon Moment, Personal

McGreasy

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On a whim, I went to McDonald’s for a McGreasy a little after 5:00 a.m. I walked up the hill to Gregory Park. I had this weird feeling someone was in the dark, unseen. The 19+ acres is a spectacular place to sleep.

Because of the season slipping, it didn’t occur to me that I was there too early to walk up the steep hill to watch the sunrise. You wouldn’t think so, but it’s a beautiful spot up on top.

I sat on the outside perimeter with my feet hanging off, stuffing the McGreasy into my mouth.

“Hey, do you have an extra sandwich?”

The skin on the back of my neck crawled. I couldn’t see him and wasn’t sure how far away he was.

“No, but I’ll get one and leave it here for you. Give me 10 minutes.”

I walked back down to McDonald’s and got a sandwich and drink. Trudging back up the hill again, I was just about to place the food and drink on the outer edge.

It was time for my second startle. A short man wearing an absurdly large white hat came out of the woods on the side closer to Sycamore. He had a backpack on, so he probably got up early from wherever he was sleeping. I said good morning but he didn’t answer. He cut through the parking lot entrance and went down through the McDonald’s parking lot.

I left the food and drink on the ledge for the unseen person in the woods.

I took two pictures, both of them long exposures, even though it was totally dark where I was.

Deanne, Family, Personal

September 4, Forever

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Both of them are gone now. But for that moment at the Omaha Zoo, the ridiculous side was out. She struggled with the long walk. We didn’t know why at the time.

The other picture was after a great meal. She and Steve clearly gave their opinions of my constant picture taking.

Strange, because other than memories, that’s what I have.

Hundreds of pictures. I was lucky enough to have in-laws who saw the value of letting me scan a couple thousand pictures of her and her family. It was difficult to even try to sort them and decide which ones to share.

I had to include one of her with at least one animal. I have a trove of them. If she had her way, I would have been living in a menagerie. As evidenced by the picture, even fake animals.

Time.

It is the unrelenting bastard that guards the door.

Time.

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I don’t post pictures of her very often. I demarcated my life into before and after. Life became a demonstration of quantum theory; her absence erased what could have and should have been.

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I could only separate my life into before and after because somebody accepted my wounds afterward.

Despite all my lessons of appreciation, I fumbled that opportunity. I can’t blame it on the universe or an unseen illness.