It is possible that one death prevented another catastrophe.
It woke me up to the fact that other people would be devasted by more loss.
I don’t know what another two weeks might have brought.
Whether a fortuitous accident, fate, or simple happenstance, the universe rolled in my favor this time.
It’s been almost a year since my emergency surgery.
Thereafter, I committed to a ‘reset’ project. I failed at that on a couple of levels. I’ve kept the weight off and stayed active. My failures were personal.
The funk I experienced not so long ago wasn’t that much more profound than others I’d temporarily passed through. It was like a mile-long curtain of beads hanging from a doorway I was attempting to go through. I did, however, get wrapped in those beads, ones which got heavier the further from their source I traveled. The feedback loops in my head trapped me there. My feet were moving step by step, but no motion propelled me.
It’s a dangerous place to be.
I understand it much better now.
Being humbled does that to you. Having to look at yourself harshly is never a comforting experience.
Our egos have a way of whispering with too much bravado.
Someone in my circle recently suffered a profound loss, one which will forever demarcate her life into the before and after.
I don’t want to be a part of anyone’s loss or regrets.
The curtained beads are behind me again. I hope I retain the lesson, though. I always hate that I forget the primitive lesson of loss I learned in 2007.
No matter what happens, you have to “Get busy living or get busy trying,” something I originally was going to add to this post.
I woke up this morning with so much energy that I could feel it radiating off of me. I hope that energy converts to motivation and enthusiasm. Without those, life is a series of responses to the world around us.
I chose the picture for this post because it’s one I took a year ago when I was just happy to be outside feeling the sun on my face. That was enough – just literally standing outside in a foreign place, surrounded by trees and distant people in the periphery. Gurus have maintained for centuries that simplicity is one of the components of happiness. I’m not sure any of those gurus had to live life in this modern world.
Yesterday, I wrote about a couple of ways to save money on one’s phone bill or internet – and that one of those opportunities also led me to get a nice desktop setup for just $20.
Delivery company __ attempted to deliver my computer on Sunday. That was weird enough. In order to avoid another misdelivery or return, I paid $5.55 to have a specific delivery window for Monday from 5 p.m – 8 p.m. I’ve got a couple of shenanigans stories about deliveries here at the apartments for another day.
When I came back to my apartment simplex at 4:30, the delivery driver was parked backward, facing the parking lot. I walked up and asked, “You aren’t by chance delivering to apartment 10/X?” He smiled. “Yes, I am.” After showing him my ID, he, of course, asked, “Where is your name on the license?” I replied in the way I always do, with a smile: “It’s the same place as every other license in the state. My first name is X.” He laughed. “Yes, that does make sense!” Just because we were bantering, I pointed to my balcony and said, “See? There’s even a 30-inch X right there to prove it’s me.”
“I’ll go ahead and take the computer package now if you’d like so you can be on your way.”
The driver smiled and said that would be great.
He called his supervisor.
The supervisor surprisingly told him, “Even though the customer is there and has IDed himself, you can’t deliver or give him the package until 5 p.m. as indicated by the order window. You have to sit and wait in the truck until then.”
I could see the look of incredulity on the driver’s face as he listened. “I have to wait here in the truck until 5.”
In the interim, I chatted to the downstairs neighbors about ways to save money and that I’d received a computer for just $20. I also offered to fix two of their older computers for free. I seem to find myself always preaching at people about having computers, phones, or tablets sitting in closets or allegedly broken. I can repurpose anything. Stuff is meant to be used or donated to places like Free Geek. The recycling and repurposing center is about two blocks from where I live, and they do fantastic work.
At 5 p.m., the young male driver came up to the apartment with a large box.
“I’m so sorry you had to wait for no reason,” I said.
“Thank you so much for saying so. It’s not your fault,” he replied, sitting the package on my landing.
He hesitated. I knew he was about to say something important.
“Yeah, I have an accounting degree. I think it’s time I put that to use and stop enduring this job. I appreciated the position at first, but I’m definitely wasting my time.” He sighed.
“I told the neighbors that I was sure you were paid a salary or by the day instead of the by the hour and what your boss had told you.” I waited for him to reply.
“Yes, I get paid $140 gross a day, even though I work an insane number of hours a day. The faster I work, the more they add on top of my routes. There are days when I net less than $7 an hour working this way.”
Though I wasn’t surprised, I was taken aback.
“I’m so sorry. I do hope you reach out and take a job that not only pays you more but lets you work in the field you choose. I work at the hospital and have a great wage and benefits if you’re ever interested. ” I shook his hand.
I was very happy to get such a nice, low-cost computer. But I was also irritated that such a large company making so much profit put its drivers in a position to spend most of their waking lives working that way.
Though the policy that led the driver to waste his own time and wait 30 minutes might have a logical basis, the practicality of such a policy leads me to believe that is simply stupid. Such policies always impact the human beings who are giving their time to help companies make record profits.
I pulled into the inconvenience store to gas up the car. It seems to need it every once in awhile.
At one of the businesses nearby, I saw a man taking photos of a really nice deep blue sports car. I don’t know if it was a Jaguar, Toyota Celica, or what because I stink at identifying cars.
After filling the tank, I walked as close as I dared and took my shirt off and started waving it above my head. After a few pictures, the young guy taking the pictures noticed me in the background and realized I was probably in the shots.
I don’t know whether he was about to admonish me or not, so I preempted him my laughing and waving as I walked away.
Yes I put my shirt on.
There’s no need to torture innocent bystanders with my amazing good looks.
Many people don’t know about the Affordable Connectivity Program.
You’d be surprised at who might be eligible. I doubted I would be. Most of the people I recommended it to were equally surprised to find out they, too, were eligible.
For those eligible, you basically get a $ 30-a-month rebate on your internet service OR your cellphone plan. $360 annually is nothing to sneeze at.
Additionally, because I’ve been enrolled for quite a while, Cox sent me a partner offer through PCsforPeople. PCsforPeople also provides a lot of equipment to qualifying non-profits. I bought a perfectly good desktop setup for $20, shipping included. I could have chosen a laptop had I wanted one.
Cox (and others) also provide very inexpensive internet for families who qualify. One of the programs is called Connect2Compete. It offers 100mbps speeds AND a free modem. A lot of families who qualify don’t even know these programs exist. Another extremely affordable program Cox offers is called ConnectAssist.
Many of these programs are unknown to many people for a variety of reasons. It’s difficult to keep track of these kinds of benefits. They are out there if you need to utilize one of them.
If you have children in school or are on a tight budget, you should inquire and apply for the benefits. You can use the money otherwise spent on things your family needs. (Or be able to afford what you thought was otherwise out of your budget reach.)
“We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, but even better judges for the mistakes of others.”
One of the hardest things as a human is to swallow the urge to correct people who have misconceptions about you. We all come to our own conclusions, draw inferences, and make assumptions about other people, ones which are based on our own observations and intuition. No matter how carefully you talk, behave, or think, people will fiercely defend the conclusions they’ve come to. At times, they are simple misconceptions. Others? They are villainous views, ones that hit you at the core. No matter what led you to act or talk in a certain way, it’s a certainty that you’re going to be misunderstood. No matter your defense, your arguments, or your intentions, you’re going to have to develop the ability just to let it go.
All of this is why so many memes, reels, and TikToks exist to remind us that we must do our best to swallow the drive to correct people’s erroneous assumptions. Those assumptions belong to them rather than us. That doesn’t mean they are always wrong. Each of us gets blind to our stupidity or can’t find a way to accept how we’ve behaved. If you jump out of a tree, you’re going to have to land whether you’re prepared for it or not. You might not remember climbing the tree or why you did it, but you’re going to have to prepare to hit the ground.
It’s hard enough for me to live my life and with myself and thoughts without fighting intrusions from people who have written a different narrative. It’s doubly troubling when I’ve made mistakes that weren’t ill-intentioned or nefarious yet get filtered that way. Complicated situations and emotions become reduced to black-and-white decisions. I wish life were that simple or that I had the constancy of purpose and drive to avoid them.
Looking around, I see that most people are rowing in the same boat. If we’re rowing in the same direction, it’s folly to use our oars to pummel one another.
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 