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Category Archives: Business
Invisible Ceiling
There’s something in business I call the invisible ceiling. It lies between management layers. It’s part of the defect of many organizations. Upper management mandates their objectives. As those objectives trickle down, human beings are relied upon to make them happen. We’re reluctant enough to share negatives with our own partners. Lower managers do not communicate their objections, obstacles, or negatives to those above them. Even when it’s beneficial to the organization. Upper management becomes increasingly unaware of the issues at ground level. Their decisions become more divorced from reality. The invisible ceiling between levels in organizations leads to misbehavior and poor management. If human beings are involved, you can be darned certain that there will be both bad decisions and even worse responses to keep those consequences out of sight of those who decide whether people can continue working.
It’s a combination of both ego and paycheck.
How can organizations minimize this disconnect? By employing people with the knowledge and nerve to know that part of their job is to say things that their superiors might not want to hear. You also need relief valves so that the people performing the work have a connection to the upper management. The more flexible and spontaneous these relief valve communication channels are, the more likely that middle layers of management will stifle their tendency toward silence or controlling the information flow. It also identifies weaker managers much more quickly.
Everyone says that they want open and direct communication. Yet, if you look closely at not only relationships but business models, you’ll see that they are designed and operated on a daily basis with no direct communication driving it.
You have to have vocal people and encourage them. If it’s not part of the culture, it’s an open secret that you should bite your tongue. Open doors mean nothing if people are nervous to use them – and doubly so if the person in the chair isn’t listening.
I’ve watched this in action my entire life.
It’s so obvious that it’s a critical component of success.
“If you’re not listening to and talking to the janitor, you’re missing critical information to keep your business healthy.”
Businesses are complicated machines. While some positions are more replaceable, all of them have their necessity; otherwise, they wouldn’t exist. Pay attention to all the cogs and provide a means for voicing contrary opinions. You’re going to wish you listened to your spouse, and you’re going to wish you’d taken a minute to ask the person doing maintenance if there was anything that could be a problem.
Anonymous surveys cause raised eyebrows. One-on-one interaction brings revelation.
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Superhero For Mockery
“Put your hands up. This is a mockery.”
We need a superhero with this famous tagline phrase.
He swoops in at the very moment someone sends us a CYA email, one that probably starts with the passive-aggressive “per my last email.”
Or when management blames us for failing to complete a 9,000-item checklist with staff better suited to boil water.
Let’s not forget in-service or education, the kind that includes things we don’t need to know (or we’d already know it), where the goal is to get through as quickly as possible without succumbing to insanity as our fingers click keys faster than a cocaine-fueled chipmunk.
We definitely need this superhero when we have a malingerer. The ones with apparently infinite time to tell us stories, usually punctuated by, “I am SO busy.” All they’ll feel is the splash of the water balloon, right after they feel something press into the small of their back.
When we hear the phrase, “We’re family.” Lord knows that when we’re with family at Thanksgiving, most of us are calculating how quickly we can stuff Uncle Larry and his opinions into the garage deep freezer. It’s best to avoid that phrase at work.
He’d dramatically run into the meeting, the could-have-been-an-email kind, and force us to put our hands up and admit no one knows why we’re in a budget crisis yet spending thousands on a gathering to consume bad pastry products and pray that we might be drinking poisoned coffee.
My superhero would have the elements of Terry Tate, Office Linebacker, armed with only scathing sarcasm, eye-rolls, and water balloons to lob at the offenders upon discovery.
Lastly, my superhero would tell us jokes until we laughed. Even if takes ninety-seven jokes to do so. And to remind us that work is just work, not a mission to save mankind or fool ourselves into getting our identity mixed up with commerce-driven endeavors.
A lot of work is Greek tragedy, at least to those wrapped up in it. Look at how all those turned out.
Take a step back. Lighten up. Do your job well. But not so much that you can’t appreciate the farce of sacrificing your well-being for a position that will be refilled faster than a manager’s coffee cup.
And if you forget? My superhero will be there when you least expect it.
“Put your hands up! This is a mockery!”
Love, X
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1th In Quality
I was asked me to come up with a new slogan for our quality initiative. They said it needed to perfectly encapsulate our approach. Tell me I wasn’t 100% successful!
WhereWolf
Based on obvious need, I invented a new app called WhereWolf. If you’re drunk, you only have to say “WhereWolf” to your phone. It will speak in a mom’s voice, telling you exactly where you are and to get your ass home.
Things You Might Not Have Known
The founder of Taco Bell originally had a hot dog stand. But his competition across the street was a Mexican restaurant, so he pivoted. The “Bell” part of the name derives from the original owner’s last name. It’s hard to believe that hard taco shells weren’t really a mass market thing until Bell and a couple of his contemporaries popularized them solely because they vastly sped up the preparation process for fast food. If you want to get married at a Taco Bell, you’re in luck. The flagship location offers a full-service wedding package. I can’t confirm that unlimited toilet paper is part of the package; I just assume that it’s true. I’m fascinated by all the stories behind the scenes of people and places we’re all familiar with. X
Communication
It’s true in business, and it’s true in relationships. Fundamentally, it would be better in both realms if people could express themselves without the messenger getting shot. To be able to present information, opinions, or even feelings based on their perspective or expertise. In business, you’re paying people for both output and experience. In relationships, you’re mutually and reciprocally invested in helping one another. We’re not mind readers. I find across the board that our reluctant response to heed this advice is one of our biggest grievances as human beings. As the level of inability to communicate openly decreases, the volatility and dissatisfaction we experience both as employees and people slowly boils us. In any connection in which communication is not welcome, unexpected and undesirable results inevitably follow.
Love, X
It’s Not Delivery… It’s Stupid
Yesterday, I wrote about a couple of ways to save money on one’s phone bill or internet – and that one of those opportunities also led me to get a nice desktop setup for just $20.
Delivery company __ attempted to deliver my computer on Sunday. That was weird enough. In order to avoid another misdelivery or return, I paid $5.55 to have a specific delivery window for Monday from 5 p.m – 8 p.m. I’ve got a couple of shenanigans stories about deliveries here at the apartments for another day.
When I came back to my apartment simplex at 4:30, the delivery driver was parked backward, facing the parking lot. I walked up and asked, “You aren’t by chance delivering to apartment 10/X?” He smiled. “Yes, I am.” After showing him my ID, he, of course, asked, “Where is your name on the license?” I replied in the way I always do, with a smile: “It’s the same place as every other license in the state. My first name is X.” He laughed. “Yes, that does make sense!” Just because we were bantering, I pointed to my balcony and said, “See? There’s even a 30-inch X right there to prove it’s me.”
“I’ll go ahead and take the computer package now if you’d like so you can be on your way.”
The driver smiled and said that would be great.
He called his supervisor.
The supervisor surprisingly told him, “Even though the customer is there and has IDed himself, you can’t deliver or give him the package until 5 p.m. as indicated by the order window. You have to sit and wait in the truck until then.”
I could see the look of incredulity on the driver’s face as he listened. “I have to wait here in the truck until 5.”
In the interim, I chatted to the downstairs neighbors about ways to save money and that I’d received a computer for just $20. I also offered to fix two of their older computers for free. I seem to find myself always preaching at people about having computers, phones, or tablets sitting in closets or allegedly broken. I can repurpose anything. Stuff is meant to be used or donated to places like Free Geek. The recycling and repurposing center is about two blocks from where I live, and they do fantastic work.
At 5 p.m., the young male driver came up to the apartment with a large box.
“I’m so sorry you had to wait for no reason,” I said.
“Thank you so much for saying so. It’s not your fault,” he replied, sitting the package on my landing.
He hesitated. I knew he was about to say something important.
“Yeah, I have an accounting degree. I think it’s time I put that to use and stop enduring this job. I appreciated the position at first, but I’m definitely wasting my time.” He sighed.
“I told the neighbors that I was sure you were paid a salary or by the day instead of the by the hour and what your boss had told you.” I waited for him to reply.
“Yes, I get paid $140 gross a day, even though I work an insane number of hours a day. The faster I work, the more they add on top of my routes. There are days when I net less than $7 an hour working this way.”
Though I wasn’t surprised, I was taken aback.
“I’m so sorry. I do hope you reach out and take a job that not only pays you more but lets you work in the field you choose. I work at the hospital and have a great wage and benefits if you’re ever interested. ” I shook his hand.
I was very happy to get such a nice, low-cost computer. But I was also irritated that such a large company making so much profit put its drivers in a position to spend most of their waking lives working that way.
Though the policy that led the driver to waste his own time and wait 30 minutes might have a logical basis, the practicality of such a policy leads me to believe that is simply stupid. Such policies always impact the human beings who are giving their time to help companies make record profits.
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Pretxel Fish Is Born
What is Pretxel Fish? Arkansas’ newest LLC. Due to the craziness of my name, Arkansas had trouble understanding that my first name is just X. I used the ongoing bureaucratic melee as a reason to replace the ‘z’ in ‘pretzel’ with an X. If ‘xylophone’ can be pronounced with an X, anything can. (One of my favorite words is ‘xanthous,’ which has acquired new meaning lately.) What is Pretzel Fish, the name from which I derived my company name? A reminder to be grateful and to experience whatever is at your feet. Not the potential of what could be or what you’d like to be. You can make moves to change your life incrementally or you can adapt and find lemon moments where you are. It’s up to you and me. I’m not sure what I will do with this new business. And that lights me up a little with both humor and expectations.
Love, X
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Washington Regional Rebranding Idea
Infrequently, I try to use my endless ideas to create something ‘serious.’ I hate that word, as it needlessly demarcates life into impossible categories. I’m both ridiculous and contemplative – as most people are.
For years I’ve thought that Washington Regional Medical System needed both a new logo and a new name, one that reflects simplicity, recognizability, and appropriateness. The hospital system is flung across multiple counties, with dozens of clinics. As it has grown, the “Washington” part increasingly becomes a misnomer, especially as it encroaches on other systems in the area.
The name I invented is pronounced “Regional Plus.” The logo is just the word “Regional” with a symbol that uses the essential foundation of the complicated logo it utilized for years. It’s simple, recognizable, and has a plethora of built-in marketing potential. I’d rather have the word “Regional” be purple, too, but I used a nondescript gray to keep the suits and ties happier. Additionally, my proposed rebrand fits on t-shirts, badges, and marketing materials – something the longer current one does not. It will save a LOT of space on signs, too.
“At Regional +, we’re not just a hospital, we’re a hospital plus.”
It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to extrapolate dozens of such marketing phrases. Naturally, I have several funny ones, too, but I’ll leave them for later.
I shared it with marketing and a few other people and didn’t get a response. Crickets.
The weird thing? Without evidence, I see this logo becoming the new one for the hospital.
Tell me that mine isn’t better and I will shut up.
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P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 