I went tree climbing a little bit earlier. I’m not perched high above the creek with my phone in my hand. I am standing in the middle of the creek in the cold water though. I saw that one side of the walkway dam had a couple dozen Osage oranges. The last time I looked them up for trivia, I was amused to see that Pennsylvania residents refer to them as ‘monkey balls.’ 

What still fascinates me about these and the trees that produce them is that only female trees produce the fruit. These are the largest fruits derived from trees in the United States. Thousands of years ago, these trees proliferated because mammoths would eat them and then spread the seeds as they traveled. I’ve still not tried the stinky process of roasting the seeds from these. It can’t be much different than watching my dad “cook” suspicious and unidentified meat, or looking at my mom’s famous Winston cigarette ash-speckled mashed potatoes. 

I did climb the tree in the background of the photo. While I was up there, I practiced a few fake bird calls, hoping passersby might question their sanity or wonder if a small pig was being forced to listen to excerpts of Donald Trump’s book of poetry. 

Ciao.

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I enjoy the uncertainty of inconvenience stores. They are the way stations of unpredictability. This morning I stopped at the inconvenience store super early. A young girl exited a vehicle. She had a hospital ID band on and she seemed disoriented. When I walked in, I felt disoriented too. It’s normally quite dead at that hour. The clerk was on his tiptoes, pushing at the ceiling tiles with a short broom. Near the soda machine were several women all looking up and chattering. Naturally, I goosed the clerk hard in the ribs unexpectedly as he stretched. He giggled like a pigtailed girl. The other women ranging in ages from I couldn’t possibly guess to possibly 90 years old stood next to the soda fountains looking up and offering a rapid-fire litany of commentary. An unidentified insect was evading contact in the ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights. Because cicadas have made their appearance, I assumed it was a cicada. I told the clerk to assume that the insect was actually a malevolent monster waiting to attack him. I also told him I had the Seek app to identify it if he would get up there on a ladder and yank it out. He spiritedly declined my solution.

The oldest lady in the group insisted that the insect hiding above us was a dragonfly. I told them all that because I have an advanced degree in zoology that I was certain it was one of the new venomous flying spiders that always accompanied the arrival of the cicadas. Much to my surprise, I could see that everyone who heard me was convinced that I knew what I was talking about. Their initial gullible reaction proves why conspiracy theories spread so easily on social media. 

The point-of-sale system was down and displaying what amounted to hieroglyphics. Luckily I had a $5 bill. I told the clerk I would give him another $5 if he would stand on my back and stick his hand in the crevice to remove the insect. He gave me a look, one that said, “Ain’t no way in hell am I sticking my hand up there.”

Another couple entered the store. They both looked like the result of what happens when you don’t have enough sense to go to bed. They too looked confused at the gaggle of people in the store staring up at the ceiling.

As I reached my car, one of the women hollered that it indeed was a huge dragonfly. I think she told me that to scoff at my advanced degree in zoology.

I didn’t see it, of course. I much to prefer to imagine that it was indeed a venomous flying spider.  

I hope the reminder of the day is equally tumultuous and chaotic. It’s not like I get to vote on the matter anyway. 

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