Signs?

I’m not one for signs. But coincidences draw my scrutiny. The other day when I was talking about Jimmy with Erika, she said she did not remember the song “Whiskey In The Jar” by Metallica. It’s not a typical Metallica song. But I love everything about it. Several people reached out to me with stories about Jimmy. This morning when I needed it, I scanned stations to get away from the talk shows. The radio station The X came up. And guess what was playing? Whiskey In The Jar. As I cranked the volume, it certainly felt like the universe was talking to me.

Love X

“You Light Up My Life” A Jimmy Story

You Light Up My Life

I wanted to share one of the stories with Brianna about her dad Jimmy.

Jimmy was spoiled beyond belief. As an older cousin, I benefited immeasurably from this. He had all the toys, games, and add-ons that can make a childhood full of play. Because my immediate family was so poor, I’d never get the chance to experience those things if it weren’t for Jimmy and my Aunt Ardith and Uncle Buck. But I’m not exaggerating when I tell stories about Jimmy’s legendary spoiledness.

Uncle Buck was an accomplished musician. He had the chance to ‘be’ someone in the music field but chose to do it as a side gig and hobby instead of pursuing it. He gave Jimmy record players and an endless supply of 45s and LPs. Some of these I remember well because Jimmy played them until you couldn’t help but to have the songs burned into your ears. Stories like the one I’m recounting take on an unlikely meaning when you consider that Jimmy dived deeply into Pantera and his beloved group Metallica as soon hair began to grow on his face. Rock and heavy metal gave him a voice like nothing else had before. The year Jethro Tull won the grammy over Metallica, I wondered if Jimmy might go off the deep end permanently. “Effing Jethro Tull!” he said at least two million times in the next month. “Bands with flutes are NOT rock music!”

Whether it was “Devil Goes Down to Georgia” or other songs, none of my memories eclipse 1977’s “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone. Jimmy was about seven when the song premiered. He thought the song was the best he’d ever heard – and that Debby Boone was an angel. For those who don’t know, this song was EVERYWHERE and #1 for ten weeks. Jimmy played that record so many times that I wondered if it would ever fade into the background. Jimmy had the song memorized in five plays. He played it twelve million more times just to be certain. When Jethro Tull won the Grammy years later, I reminded him that “You Light Up My Life” had a flute in it. He got pissed off, but then in typical Jimmy fashion, he laughed. “You’re right! Damn it, you’re right!” He added the phrase, “Damn flutes!” to his repertoire of mumblings for a while.

When I hear “You Light Up My Life,” which is a rare thing now, I can’t explain how odd it is to think of Jimmy, Metallica, and Jethro Tull in the same thought. Jimmy’s been gone now for slightly less than ten years. 1977 is forty-six years ago.

So, Brianna, if you want a moment to connect with Jimmy, take a minute and look up “You Light Up My Life” and think of Jimmy standing in his living room with the song playing. He’d sway and badly sing the lyrics over and over. He was happy in those moments. Later, Metallica supplanted Debby Boone. Every once in a while through the years, I’d tease him and say, “Well, they are no Debby Boone, Jimmy!”

As for Jimmy, I hope those damn flutes are playing somewhere. With Metallica’s drums and shredded guitars accompanying them.

Jimmy’s hairstyles followed those of Metallica. The picture looked nothing like him for the last half of his life. But it’s tucked away in my collection to remind me.

I hope this story connects you to Jimmy.

Love, X

Somewhere

If you think about the fact that somewhere right now, there’s someone who is starving for what you can give, it can be both unnerving and comforting. Finding that person in the haystack is the obstacle. As difficult as it is, I know the only way to find that person is to wear your heart and thoughts on your sleeve. But that’s not what we do. We play it safe right down the middle, mostly believing that’s the best way. At that point, many of us are stuck in that role. As contradictory as it sounds, you do have to come across authentically. It’s that position of trust in yourself and in others that helps you find what you’re looking for and need.

Love, X

Communication

It’s true in business, and it’s true in relationships. Fundamentally, it would be better in both realms if people could express themselves without the messenger getting shot. To be able to present information, opinions, or even feelings based on their perspective or expertise. In business, you’re paying people for both output and experience. In relationships, you’re mutually and reciprocally invested in helping one another. We’re not mind readers. I find across the board that our reluctant response to heed this advice is one of our biggest grievances as human beings. As the level of inability to communicate openly decreases, the volatility and dissatisfaction we experience both as employees and people slowly boils us. In any connection in which communication is not welcome, unexpected and undesirable results inevitably follow.

Love, X

Karma

Karma is not real. Any close observer to the universe and human behavior can see that. It’s probably a good thing for all of us. On the other hand, it would be an ideal world in which we suffered the consequences and paid the price immediately for wrong choices. It would make us be deliberate and probably much more caring about how our words and actions affect other people. Equally true is that it would be a beautiful world if we all communicated honestly, even if such honesty were difficult to get used to. Imagine how much time and energy it would save us. It would push people to learn healthy behaviors instead of learning how to conceal who they really are or what’s going on in their heads. Sunlight never hurt anyone and it’s the basis for all life on Earth. A feeble metaphor on my part, but one I imagine many people will be nodding in agreement with.

Love, X

A Goodbye To Some At Work

My employer offered people with seniority a generous retirement package. And so, as of Wednesday, a lot of familiar faces will vanish.

Someone once said that God only knows everything because he’s been around forever. It’s the same way with some of these people. They make their jobs look effortless at times because they are so familiar with every possible wild contingency. And somehow, they’ve avoided slowly going crazy by the way the rest of us behave.

Every time someone with longevity leaves, I’m surprised by my reaction. That’s how I know that behind their eyes, they will miss their coworkers. Some of them as friends, and some of them as familiar faces.

They will leave holes. Some of it will be work-related and the rest… well, it will be a loss of banter, laughter, and yes, sometimes, disagreement.

I hope everyone lands softly as they start whatever they choose to be their next chapter.

Love, X
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A Truth

I’ve never been one to worry much about how I look.

At 55 years and 11 months, I honestly don’t care if I have to strip down naked at the Farmer’s Market. I don’t know why that would happen, but I’m ready either way.

If something bothers me, I will fix it. And if I can’t, like my hair, I embrace it and laugh. You can mock me for short hair or no hair all you’d like. It doesn’t offend me. It’s like holding me responsible for the blue jay screeching outside your window on a Sunday morning.

I can look anyone in the eyes and feel like they’re equal. I’m not fooled and not plagued by insecurity.

All the titles, ranks, and positions are illusions. We’re human beings, even if we’ve devised an artificial method to separate and distinguish ourselves.

I know what you’re thinking during the day and when you lay down at night. And sometimes you want to curl up and read a book or binge-watch terrible tv. Or you are irritated at your person but just want someone to put their arm around you and enjoy the comfort of someone beside you. Trips to exotic places are fantastic, but life is comprised of smaller pleasures like the first cup of coffee, laughing, or watching people fall off ladders in online videos.

And all of us, no matter what we’ve done or the accomplishments we’ve achieved, pay the same price.

I would have been dangerous with this knowledge at 20.

Unstoppable.

If you’re reading this and you’re young, listen to me, please.

You are as good as anybody you’ll meet. If you put your mind to it, you can run a mile in 4 minutes. You can learn another language, or you can master calculus. You can find someone to love, have a family, or bury yourself in a career.

But you’re going to have to choose your time wisely. It’s not unlimited.

But whatever you want to achieve, whether it’s money, education, or fame, you are as likely as anyone you’ll meet to achieve it if you want it and dedicate your time and energy towards it. You’re looking at many people thinking that they possess some alchemy, intelligence, or energy that you don’t. They don’t.

It’s 100% illusion.

I don’t look at young people the way most people my age do.

I remember what it was like to be scared. And to feel the pressure of my entire life in front of me. I had the disadvantage of trauma and ignorance to overcome.

Maybe to feel like I wasn’t handsome enough or smart enough. The secret is that most of us are average in the literal sense. Embrace it. Joy is when someone finds something that they excel in. It just takes one thing to feel fulfilled.

If you want love, there’s someone looking at you right now with hungry eyes. Yes, there’s also someone looking at you, thinking, “Lord, what a doofus!” You can be happy in a world in which there are both.

If you want to be educated, witty, athletic, or a hermit, you can do that too. Whether you’re 22 or 55. None of us know where our finish line sits.

Love, X
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The Ball Rule, 3 Posts

These are in reverse order, with the most recent first. The Ball Rule is one of those obvious and succinct ways to describe a problem that most couples have.

Weight Loss Motivation

I haven’t done well writing for my blog, mainly because I’ve been creating videos for myself and others.

Here are the weight-loss-related videos I’ve done for my TikTok.