I guess it’s only fair that Marilyn and Larry surprised me with a recorder or flutophone. I bought them emergency clown noses a few years ago. True story. Should I go stand in front of Target and pretend that I’m jamming? Will people pay me to shut the heck up? This could be really lucrative. A pay-to-not play win-win!
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Before, I felt rich. Not because of my house, car, or miscellaneous and extraneous things to fill them.
Now? I’m poorer but I still feel rich. Despite the emergency surgery and the financial drain of that craziness, I have a job and my feet grace the ground without much pain for my age.
I prize wittiness and humor, sarcasm, and even dark humor. Snark? I can’t get enough.
Around me, I do see people that should stop being so cruel. But I don’t characterize everyone as being prone to cruelty. On a long enough timeline, we are all going to be assholes. Yes, even you, Greg.
While there are limits, I can walk outside and run or walk for as long as I want.
I can get in the car and just drive. Anywhere.
I can open a book or a web browser and find a little slice of the world and fill my mind with things I’d never imagined.
I can communicate with millions of people through social media and forums.
I can eat in a multitude of places that will grace my mouth with culinary delight.
I can see people, hug, and listen as they tell their stories, the same ones that probably drive their partners or family crazy.
Normal life as we expect is impossible for much of the world.
We forget that achieving our innermost dreams is a great goal but unrealistic. And that leaves the ground we walk every day feeling a little bit frosty to us.
Only gratitude and realization can ever cure us of our dissatisfaction with so much to be happy for.
Our ancestors cherished tribe, food, fire, and safety. They strived for something better, faster, and more complicated. Now that we have it, we all sometimes know in our hearts that we have more than enough to fill this world with love, comfort, and hope if we but choose to.
To do so, we have to fill ourselves first.
I am rich.
Most of us are.
Love, X
What do you suppose Güino is thinking? Santa brought him a couch. But Güino knows the apartment doesn’t have a chimney – and that Santa’s girth alone is too wide for such a thing, much less while pushing a couch down the chute. Güino is 13.5+ years old and too old to believe in Santa. I think he wants to leave Santa one of my protein drinks and fiber pills instead of milk and cookies. But it could land him on next year’s naughty list.
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Okay guys! I thought extra large shirts were a miracle. Then large. Now I am at medium. My manager found an old badge of mine at work, one from at least 12 years ago. Even he was caught off guard that the person in the photo was me. As egotistical as it sounds, I’m still having trouble realizing that my light feet and flexibility are truly here to stay. But my confidence tells me otherwise. It’s not about thinking I look good. It’s about knowing I’m again like I’m supposed to be.
Love,X
Over the last few days, I painted another 6″ X 24″ tile. I drilled holes in six places to make it easier to secure safely in my surprise location. I glued dozens of multi-colored glow-in-the-dark rocks to the front. On the back, I wrote a truth of mine in marker. The truth is very personal. Anyone who wants to know it will have to climb a considerable height to do so.
This makes me happy.
After work today, I climbed a tall tree before I lost my nerve. It’s the first tall one I’ve climbed since my surgery. It was tricky getting up there with a two-foot-long tile strung around my neck as I ascended. As far as I could tell, no one noticed me as I rose the vertical surface of the tree, carefully finding my foothold. After twenty feet, my reluctance vanished, and I forgot all about the possibility of falling. I’m just as likely to get killed by a rogue intestine or a plane falling out of the sky as I am climbing a tree. Besides, I laughed at the idea of my precarious fall being covered on the local news or the What’s Up, Fayetteville group. “Arts & Crafts Take Local Man’s Life” would work nicely. “Idiot Falls While Doing Performance Art” also serves its purpose.
As the limbs thinned out, I stood, watching the area below me. It was beautiful. I took the tile, ran steel wire through the open holes, and secured it from one primarily perpendicular limb. Not wanting to leave the view behind, I sat near the trunk and just felt the wind around me.
It was a stolen moment!
After a few minutes, I climbed down in one quick descent and stood back on the ground. I looked up at the pretty colored rocks and the brightly painted long tile. Yes, that would do nicely.
Where did I place the beautifully decorated tile? That’s the question, isn’t it? Take a moment and stare up into the slowly appearing upper branches of the trees around you. “Look up, not down” is not only a symbolic reminder to find yourself and answers looking directly into the world, but now also a practical guide to ever finding my hidden-in-plain-sight tilework.
Beauty is anywhere you find it, y’all. Even if you never find my tilework, look around and find the people and things that light you up. Give them attention and appreciation. From time to time, look up to behold the wonders that we forget to see. If you can do so, look at yourself in the mirror and remember that no matter who you are, someone loves you. Merry Xmas!
Love, X
I had an intricate comment for this post. I opted to leave it as is.
I stayed up last night walking the town instead of sleeping. I did manage almost two hours of rest. The cold was a perverse distraction and relief as I walked without music, phone, or Fitbit. For whatever reason, my energy level was high despite the lack of sleep. I went running this afternoon, thinking of my brother Mike. I couldn’t help but be nostalgic about his absence. It motivated me to run like the wind, thinking of us when we were younger and when I started running out of the blue in 9th grade when we lived in Tontitown.
Wearing my lucky red ripshirt, I ran for him and for all the life he is missing out on. Though I love all manner of dreary weather, the sun was high today and I ran through the streets lined with countless apartments. Every time I thought I couldn’t run more, I reminded myself that Mike would love to be alive and out there with me if only he could have conquered his addiction.
There were a lot of people out and about today. I waved to most of them and wished anyone who could hear me a “Merry Xmas.” A guy near the E-Z Mart a few blocks away responded unexpectedly with an “Eff Xmas!” as if he meant it. I quipped back, “I’d like to, but the dinner I’d have to buy would be expensive.” He looked at me quizzically and just shook his head. A couple of days ago, a woman told me, “I don’t celebrate Xmas.” I said, “That’s okay. You might not be married, but you can wish your friend a happy anniversary, can’t you?” She was unamused by my quick wit.
Today, in addition to hitting my highest recorded number of steps, I’m going to break my “floors” record, too just to be arrogant. I try to get 50+ a day. I’m only 30,000 steps ahead of my nearest Workweek Hustle challenger, not counting the unrecorded 9 miles from last night. 🙂
Apart from all that, I was grateful that I woke up able to run, walk, and climb stairs. It’s not something I take for granted and especially with all the energy I unexpectedly woke up with for the day. Anxiety did grip me for a bit – which is always a surprise when I feel like I’m energetic. The workday beat that out of me.
I sit at my desk, watching my backward clock tick away the seconds, minutes, hours – all of which can’t be taken for granted. Mike would be nodding in agreement.
P.S. Merry Xmas
Love, X
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I got my first invitation for a Workweek Hustle Challenge on Fitbit for this week. Should I be worried? These were the stats as of 3p.m., after I went running. 
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I’ve seen 6 different birds in the last 10 minutes. 7 if you count the one Steve floated at me as I went by. His didn’t have feathers though.
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I wonder how suspicious I looked early this morning, walking down Appleby. Holding multiple colorful and overstuffed bags, multiple strings of colorful balloons, a fuchsia painted skillet, and a laptop. Surely this is something everyone sees at 3:00 a.m.?
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Y’all should congratulate me. I got chosen to spearhead the new conflict resolution program at work. After careful consideration, what I came up with and made is going to save the company a lot of money..
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Is the following comforting or anxiety-inducing?”Nearly every object in your house can be used to kill you.”I’ll bet if you’re a married man, you’ll be more likely to sleep with one eye open. .
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If you eat a dust bunny, does it count as protein? Asking for a friend.
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Well, since I’m burning 3500-4000 calories a day 5 days a week, I might have to have pizza and a banana for breakfast, ice cream and salad for lunch, and pie and broccoli for supper. I haven’t decided what to eat for second breakfast, brunch, or second supper. The fascinating thing is that I FEEL like my energy level is beyond human at times. P.S. No, I’m not pregnant.
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Evidently, I got tickets to the circus. I’m basing that solely on events already this morning. I’m definitely not the ringleader, but I suspect I might be the monkey. Happy Friday!
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Evidently, I got tickets to the circus. I’m basing that solely on events already this morning. I’m definitely not the ringleader, but I suspect I might be the monkey. Happy Friday!
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Stolen & Adapted Memes #25
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After sending my résumé to Stafford Engineering, I was excited and astonished when they called to say, “We have the perfect spot for you, X! You know the word ‘foolproof’? That’s what we’re hiring you for.”
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Stolen & Adapted Memes, #23
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Stolen & Adapted Memes #34
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11:30 p.m. musings: Guino must think it’s Xmas.
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I asked the universe for a sign. I think it said, “Don’t stand in the middle of an empty intersection at 3 a.m.”
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Quote from Reddit. I made the picture.
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Stolen meme, adapted by me. 🙂
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I propose that we put ridiculously uncomfortable speed bumps at every stop sign. Then allow anyone who wants to try to speed through to give it a shot. #letswatch.
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Quick question… I made a brooch out of a small Bic lighter…
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Which explanation is more humorous?
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If someone asks me how I’m feeling, should I reply and say, “I’m feeling a little lighter!”
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“I’m wearing this in case I need to light a fire under someone’s butt?”
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Nutrition Update: I ate all but one slice of an entire large pizza, followed by a lava cake. Admission: I could have easily consumed the last piece and the box it arrived in, too. 150 or bust! And I just might after all that…Update to the update: I ate two lava cakes and ALL the pizza.
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It’s a slow process, gaining muscle. Meanwhile though, I’m going to enjoy this large box of peanut M&Ms. If you would have told me 13 months & 21 days ago that I would be struggling to gain weight to hit 150, I would have laughed for a minute. And then maybe perhaps have nodded. I can still hear the bell as it gonged in my head. For anyone worried about me being too thin, I’m not losing weight. I’m doing what’s very difficult to do at 54. And that’s to change my body mass. Unless my body throws me another surprise, I’m going to do just that.
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Every once in a while I erase the whiteboard in the kitchen and write the first thing that comes to mind. Today’s is a simple set of statements, but ones very hard to reconcile in the scheme of life. We often find ourselves looking back, thinking about the heydays and moments we were at the point we thought as best. With regrets, what~ifs, despondency. Hoping we may one day find those moments again.
What we need to take away from those minutes though is that the past is the past, and whether we think things were somehow better before we need to see the now with a fresh set of eyes and appreciation. There are lovely things, amazing seconds, right here and now.
We all have a “gilded” age full of sparkle and shine, it will always not be now. But if you can’t appreciate all the beauty of the day just now happening because of it… that is doing this one a disservice. There is so much to be grateful for right this moment, focusing on the past only causes you to gloss over it.
“What
was Was.
What is Is….”
Sunday evenings often provide me with encounters that other days don’t. I’m not sure why that is.
I was out and about, buying mismatched birthday/get-well/occasion balloons, a flutophone, spatula (all of which are of course traditional birthday surprises), and various ridiculous things for a belated work birthday shenanigan. A woman was at the register. She had only two dollars. “I’ll pay for the rest with my credit card.” She sweated a bit, waiting to see if it would be authorized. The clerk wasn’t the most sympathetic. He radiated irritation. The woman hid her embarrassment well but I watched her body language as she cringed at the treatment. It took her two tries to get it to go through.
Although I had entered with a light heart and a bit of joy due to being creative in trying to let someone know we hadn’t forgotten them, I have to admit a bitter flare of anger lit me up. I could feel it behind my eyes. I flicked my wrist and saw that my heartbeat had elevated considerably on my Fitbit. I wanted to shout at the clerk but then I reminded myself that I have a superpower that all of us have if I could just stop judging. Even the few one-on-one rapid self-defense sessions I had reinforced the idea that we owe it to each other to disengage before we act.
“Hey Janice,” I said loudly to the woman as she got her bag, a little red-faced. “Wait a second. I have that money I owe you.” Her name wasn’t Janice, but she stopped and turned. I held up a finger to ask her to give me a minute to check out. She was just confused enough to wait.
“Merry Christmas, sir,” I told the young male clerk.
“Yeah, ok.” He seemed unhappy. He looked at his watch.
“Are you having a rough day?” I asked him, smiling.
“You have no idea,” he said.
“What can I do to make it even a little better?” I asked.
“Let me go home. My girlfriend texted me and told me she was putting my stuff outside if I didn’t come home soon.”
That stopped me cold for a second. I was surprised by his honesty.
“I don’t know what you’re going through but I can see you’re stressed. I would be too. Take a minute and call her, don’t text, even if your manager doesn’t want you to. Tell your girlfriend you love her and you will talk to her when you get home. Trust me.”
“Just like that?” He asked.
“Yes, just like that. Assuming you do love her, she will give you a couple of hours to come home and work it out. And if she doesn’t, it wasn’t going to matter what you did now or not. If that happens, I am so sorry.”
He looked at me like I had burst into flames.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll try anything.”
“Would you do me a favor as a kindness?”
“Yes,” he said.
I softened my voice and leaned in: “Tell my friend Janice there that you are sorry for snapping at her and wish her a Merry Christmas.”
He did. Janice listened, stunned, as the clerk said, “I’m so sorry. I’m stressed. Please have a Merry Christmas, Janice.”
Janice smiled, still a bit confused by it all, but happy the clerk had acknowledged his rudeness. “Merry Christmas to you too,” she replied, her voice cracking a little.
I nodded at the clerk and smiled. “I wish you the best. Now go call your girlfriend and let her know how much you need her. Everyone needs to hear it.”
I grabbed my handful of bags and bundle of helium balloons.
I turned to Janice and pulled the ten-dollar bill out of my pocket and handed it to her. I’d been given the ten dollars to help buy a few goofy items for the birthday shenanigan. The person who gave it to me would have wanted it to go to Janice instead. Of that, I am certain.
“I know you’re not Janice. I just wanted the clerk to think we know each other. This is for whatever you need. It’s not a lot because I don’t have a lot.”
Janice took the bill from my hands as I balanced all the things I’d purchased.
“It’s okay. Don’t say anything. Just remember that sometimes the universe is listening, okay?” She nodded. I think she was a little choked up. I know I was.
I smiled and walked out of the store, my anger gone, and my thoughts filled with hope that the anonymous girlfriend was going to get a call to let her know she was loved. And that Janice forgot the embarrassment at the register and remembered only that someone wanted her to have a Merry Christmas.
Love, X
P.S. I’m going to go wrap a flutophone and spatula. As we all agree, they are ideal birthday presents for someone who has everything.
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 