The following is a great little anecdote from one of my favorite people. The last couple of lines are sublime:
When I worked at Windstream, I would often take my lunch to Reservoir Park (in Little Rock) when the weather was pretty. Just to get away from the stress at that building and sit in nature.
One day when I was in the park, I saw a dog (of course) walking around. I tried to get it to come to me, and it wouldn’t. I watched it as it moved on. About five minutes later, an older woman came fast, walking by, carrying a leash. I started the car and drove up to her. I asked if she was looking for a white dog. She said, “Yes.” I said, “I know where it was headed. Do you want me to take you that way?” She hesitated and then said, “Please.” She got in, and as we were driving, we exchanged names, and I told her where I work and that I had been eating lunch when the dog came by. She said they lived at the end of the park.
We located the dog. It was on a path where the car couldn’t go, but we could see it, and she would be able to catch up. As she was thanking me, she told me to please be safe, and then she laughed and asked, “Didn’t your mother teach you not to pick up strangers?” I laughed and said, “Yes! Just like yours taught you not to get in a stranger’s car.” +
Both the mural and the art project are in the breakroom near where I work. I think they both are beautiful, both the completed mural and the work in progress of the colored pencil drawing. It’s a demonstration of art where art normally isn’t. And it’s also a demonstration that beauty and art can coexist anywhere, even in sterile places. What confounds me is that there are a few people that think such efforts are wasteful. Because anything that distracts us from our routine life, especially when it’s mundane, is worth the effort. All the important things are invisible. Though the mural and art project exist in space, it’s what they do inside of our heads as we look at them that makes them worthwhile. Creativity and beauty are among those. Love, X
Last Friday, I went to a get-together.The wind had knocked a huge limb into the power lines, so we were without power. The host went ahead and had the party. A friend and co-worker brought pinwheels she made. It turned out to be the only thing we ate and it was more than enough. The power being out, though a problem for other reasons, turned out to be the best thing for the party. Because we played with the dogs and I ran them to death out in the backyard, and we congregated inside the house and out. Just conversation, gossip, and goofiness. To me, it was the perfect embodiment of what being with people is supposed to be about. We can plan elaborate food and have a vision of what it should look like in our head. But when things go awry, the common denominator that matters is that people are together and sharing their time. All of you know me, and also know that I’ve always believed we often make too much out of holidays and planned events. Even if all we have to eat is a bag of chips and salsa, that should be enough. We might be hungry, but hunger is temporary. And so are people, even though it doesn’t feel like it as we pass our days and years. I’m glad the power was out. Which probably sounds crazy. Thinking about all the people in Central Arkansas and my favorite cousin, the power being out for an evening pales in comparison. It’s true that each time something unexpected happens, it’s also an opportunity to keep both feet moving and enjoy life. Because there’s always going to be power outage, a disaster, and things beyond our control. Love, X
As I walked down the hill at breakneck speed I caught up to another coworker. He’s an older guy who was raised in a very similar background to me. I took a fallen limb off the sidewalk and broke a 2-ft length of it free. I told him, “If you don’t pick up your pace, you’re going to get a switch on the back of your legs.” We both laughed. And then he told me a story that I really enjoyed: “When I was a young boy, I got a whipping with a stick quite often. My mom made both me and my brother fetch one. So we ended up getting the stick for one another instead of ourselves. My brother thought he was smart and got the gnarliest rough one he could find, intending it to be used on me. Mom took it out of his hand and then turned him around and gave him what for with that horrible stick. As my brother howled in pain and protest, I was crying so hard tears ran down my face. So when it was my turn, I hardly felt it, knowing I was gonna tease my brother for weeks. He ought to have known that you can’t outsmart your mama.”
This morning, even though my mind was in a shambles, I drove down to the convenience store in the other direction. An older man I hadn’t seen in a while was working. I got my soda and a sandwich and said l, “Hey, it’s nice to see you. It’s been a while.” He smiled and said, “Thank you I’m glad to be back.” And then he told me that he had a quadruple bypass. When he said it, I did notice I could see the top of the angry scar at his neckline. After I checked out, a couple of women came in. Even though it was not quite four in the morning, they said the same thing I did. It was his first day back on the job on the midnight shift. I felt so badly for him, having to come back to a job on the night shift after such a terror. We swapped stories about waking up with the nasogastric tube making us feel like we were choking to death. The two ladies listened and told him they were glad he was back. I love accidental encounters with people. So many people have huge obstacles they have to deal with. And for him? Facing death but yet still getting up to go to work and being nice to everyone he meets. Though I had talked to him before, it was never really anything other than superficial and perfunctory. Love, X +
In the wreck of my day, the last thing I wanted to do was get out. For a lot of reasons. I tend to carry my emotions on my sleeve. But a mutual friend asked me to notarize something for somebody who really needed it. I met her at Fossil Cove. It’s a stone’s throw away from where I live. When I approached the bar and asked the bartender for the woman by name, I could see that she hesitated, wondering what I could possibly want. But I explained myself, knowing she probably thought I was up to no good. Had she noticed my name on my badge, that probably would have made her even more nervous. And she hollered over at the woman I was going to help. I’ve never charged anyone for notary. And never will. When she told me what she had gone through, a click turned in my head. I sat and looked at this woman, realizing that she had an impossible smile on her face given the information she just shared. I’m not certain I could have a smile on my face in her situation. But she did. That little click I felt in my head was perspective and gratefulness slamming into me. Even in chaos. I could feel that my mind wasn’t right. I’m glad I got out and did that favor for a friend and for the woman. I needed it.
Personal Post I’m the opposite of private across the board. I have a blog and a TikTok. I also write things for others because I don’t know how to turn off the spigot that runs in my mind.
One of the things that drive me bonkers is the misconception that people have about me. No one can call me a hypocrite because I always say it first. Whether it was having an emotional affair while I was married, having herpes, or admitting how susceptible I am to the alcoholism problem that infects many in my family. As you can see, I don’t keep those things private. A couple of people have been shocked that they’ve seen me with a cigarette. It’s about the stupidest thing for me to do, even though I foolishly use it as a substitute for anxiety treatments. I’d rather people know who I am, even if those things are hard to say openly.
I try to be as transparent as possible. A few months ago, I realized how idiotic I was being by getting away from that. Secrets infect a person worse than a virus. Because you can’t be open and yourself if you’re protecting a version of yourself.
But one of the vortexes I got stuck in is the privacy versus secrecy issue that plagues many lives and relationships. If you have a partner, don’t keep things in your life or on your phone that would be hurtful to the people you love. That it’s wrong to do or say anything that you wouldn’t want your partner ever to see or hear literally goes without saying. If you’ve gotten away from that? It’s never too late to wake up and be grateful that you found someone who loves you.
It’s important not to get weighed down by your past because everyone can renew at any point in their life. It doesn’t erase the past. I’m still accountable for those mistakes.
Recently, I was accused of being controlling. If wanting the best for someone is controlling, I’m definitely guilty. I worked hard to be the person I should be. At the same time, history and imagery beyond my control infected my head. So, I have to pay for my mistakes again.
I slept about an hour last night. I can do quite well on five a night. Because of that, I let my coworkers down by calling in this morning and failing to go to work. I love my job for many reasons and don’t want to lose it. It’s been a sustaining thread in my life for 18 years.
I’m 56. All I want is to be loved and have someone in my corner. We can both know each other’s demons, shake our heads at our idiocy, and move on. If you go to my TikTok and read through the innumerable videos I’ve made, you will get the idea that I do have a grasp of what makes people happy with themselves and their relationships. That ideal infects me. I’ve also helped several people in a counseling group. I tell them what I did wrong openly and share all the things I’ve learned in therapy. Obviously, I still don’t practice them well. Anyone who knows me can see it. At some point soon, I’m going to give Al-Anon a try because I need it.
But above and behind all this? Secrecy is the worst. And now, you’ve learned more things about me that you wouldn’t expect to see on social media.
I included a picture of me that Erika took before I performed the marriage of my deceased wife’s niece. It was one of the happiest days I’ve had in my life, even though one moment filled my eyes with tears and reminded me of the people I’ve lost. I had people I loved around me on Saturday. Trusting me to fumble performing the wedding, but also sharing their special day with me.
By a series of coincidences, I’m officiating a wedding today. The niece of my wife, who died in 2007, asked me to perform her wedding. I put off getting ordained until shortly before my cousin Jimmy died ten years ago. Though I didn’t do his wedding, I was beyond grateful that he married Alissa before cancer got him. To see him suffering but also making such a loving gesture before he died made my heart swell with peace and love. As for today, I’m not the least bit nervous about it. No matter what unexpected things might happen (and they always do), the truth of weddings is that they only require five seconds of activity to be legal. That people jump and take the risk of marriage is an awesome thing. It is just a piece of paper that doesn’t amplify the commitment between them. But it is still the fundamental way to tell the world that you intend to be with your forever person, whether it’s like my cousin Jimmy who died a month afterward. Or my wife, who died a month short of eleven years with me. It’s impossible to know how much time lies ahead of us. We all get embroiled in the million things that occupy and fill our days. Behind it all, if we are lucky, is the one person who loves us and looks at us like the last french fry in the bottom of the bag. If you are lucky enough to have that one person who is always in your corner, even while they roll their eyes at you, almost nothing in life can derail you. Planes fall out of the sky, tornadoes rip through our homes, and people leave us unexpectedly. Don’t forget to look at the person you’re with and silently say thanks. Even if you’re listening to them slurp coffee from the cup or watching them leave their darned cup on the sink. We do all the things that fill our lives and sometimes forget that invisible things like love are by far the only ‘things’ that matter.
I can’t tell you how often I hear about other people engaging in it.
I’ve known for most of my adult life how damaging this can be to people. Even if they don’t say so. They are waiting for you to understand. Most people might not until they’ve experienced it themselves. Or until someone they love communicates the hurt it engenders.
