The Campbell soup controversy is both fascinating and amusing.
I had a can of Campbell’s tortilla soup last night, with a can of Mexican tomatoes, sliced potatoes, and a ton of hot savory spice added. It was delicious.
I’ve worked in food facilities. Y’all are out there eating all sorts of things you don’t want to know about. If they are 3D printing chicken or beef, that’s fine with me. If they throw a horse leg in there, I don’t care about that either if I don’t know. Doubly so if it’s treated so that I won’t get sick.
I survived my childhood. My dad forced me to eat things that were featured in the Temu edition of National Geographic. Other than some observable brain damage, I survived. These symptoms allow me to either be the Secretary of Health and Human Services or the President.
The amusing part of it all is that an executive got caught with his pants down, spouting what we already know. I’d rather be eating oysters right now than working in the Campbell marketing department. (And oysters are just repackaged mucus.)
This story proves I don’t always get the last word, but I do often get the last laugh.
After work I went to the nearest inconvenience store to buy a lottery ticket.
(If you ask why I bother buying lottery tickets, it’s because they won’t give them to me at no charge. Duh.)
Anyway, I’m careful when I pull in to that particular store. Fellow visitors to this particular store sometimes display a disregard forcommon traffic laws. Such as driving blindfolded, for example.
I had to hit the brakes and come to a complete stop in order to avoid a car that tried to exceed the speed limit going in reverse as they backed out of the space adjacent to the building.
Someone behind me braked hard enough to cause a squeal. The driver hit the horn to announce the size of their genitals.
I pulled into the spot the reversing speed demon just left. The car that had almost hit me from behind raced up to park on my right.
I exited my little blue car and walked around the front. The man driving the car said something I didn’t understand.
“What?” Sometimes I’m really eloquent.
Asking him to repeat himself must have been a burden because he shook his head.
I expected something derogatory. And he probably meant it that way. He glanced along my car. “You’re so gay you can’t even drive STRAIGHT.”
While I’ve seen the phrase on social media, it fit the situation perfectly. Naturally I burst out laughing, which confused the guy.
His insult tickled me.
PS If I ever see him behind me again, of course I’ll do the logical thing and crash through the side of the building to avoid inconveniencing him.
My next door neighbor “Phillip” forgot about my cameras.
I turned on “Magic Mode,” a new feature for Wyze cameras. I didn’t read the tutorial about the new capabilities of my cameras. Evidently, the camera is magic due to its ability to see things as they are, instead of concealing what’s right in front of us.
Although “Phillip” rides a motorcycle most of the time, I realized that each year as fall deepens, the smell of cinnamon and pine seem to fill the air when he walks by. I hear strange bells at night. My cat Güino does too. His little ears are constantly pointing up and in the direction of the apartment next door.
You’ll note in the pictures that my Wyze cameras are now revealing an obvious fact: my next door neighbor is Santa.
He pulls a trailer behind his truck when he’s not riding his motorcycle. He’s not fooling anyone. That’s just a sleigh cleverly disguised.
To add insult to injury, take a look at what his huge red gift bag says: “Not Santa.” I bet if I ask him about that, he’ll say he’s being ironic and funny.
I fully expect that by the time December greets us, “Phillip’s” costume will morph into the red and white clothing of Santa that we all recognize and love.
I know “Phillip” won’t put me on the naughty list. Not because I don’t deserve it, but because my name is already there, so there’s no point duplicating the effort.
I’ll keep y’all updated.
PS The magic mode is truly magical for my cameras. (Also, you’ll note that FB has tried to tag these photos as AI. Santa has a powerful reach, doesn’t he?)
Random fact… This isn’t a hieroglyph. If you have a careful eye, you might see them in odd places. This one is supposed to mean “Do not climb.” Typically it’s placed on poles needing replacement.
Over time, I’ve concluded that many of these are nailed into poles that are, in fact, way easier to climb than normal poles.
I’ve ordered 535 of them. One for each member of Congress.
Somewhere right now, there’s a man shaking his head, wondering what the heck just happened. It’s that thought that makes this prank such a good one.
A couple of days ago I posted about remembering my mission to prank. Earlier today I wrote about a hybrid incident of anger and laughter.
Coincidentally, this one happened less than thirty feet away from the last one. Or is it fewer? Who cares.
I had a book under the front seat of my car since two days ago. I didn’t know when the opportunity would present itself for me to pull a fun prank on someone. By the way, the book was a good one, given to me by a friend.
There were two people standing at the Razorback bus stop on Appleby. I retrieved the book from under the seat, got out of the car, and looped around across the street. Luckily, both the man and the woman were still waiting when I appeared on the opposite side of the street. I pretended to be lost in thought, when in fact I was using my peripheral vision to determine when there might be no traffic coming at either direction.
With my book in hand, I waved enthusiastically across to the two people.
“Hey John,” I shouted. The man looked up at me as I darted across the street with the book held up. It’s important that you know that I don’t know this man and unless I accidentally guessed correctly, his name is definitely not John.
I lowered the book as I drew close to him, still trotting.
“Janice told me I would find you here. She wanted me to give you this book, the one you wanted to read.”
The man looked at me in surprise but he did hold his hand out instinctively when I tried to hand him the book. He took it from my hand.
Without looking at him again, I took off running through the bushes and then through the parking lot and out of sight.
I wish I could have witnessed how he reacted and what he told the woman he was with. Assuming she asked. They weren’t ‘together.’ They were just standing at the same bus stop.
He is no doubt wondering who John is, and maybe why Janice somehow knew that John would be at the bus stop. I hope he appreciates the fact that I added a little surprise and confused magic to his otherwise boring wait at the bus stop.
If he reads the book, it is a quick read and quite enjoyable. There’s my book review, if you needed an excuse to read this post.
After work, I was standing two feet away from the trail spur. An older white guy on a bicycle started screaming. “On your f left!”
Actual screaming.
I waved and smiled out of habit.
It’s important that you realize I wasn’t on that side of the trail spur. I was standing on the outside. Which means I was on his right, in case you’re related to this guy and are accustomed to hearing upside-down world stupidity.
He stopped his bicycle. “Didn’t you hear me? Get the f*** out of the way!” He was a lot closer to me than he intended. I could have pushed him and toppled him over like a bad glass of chardonnay. leaving him entangled in his expensive bike.
I looked down at my feet, seeing that they were clearly in the grass and two feet away from the pavement.
Fire blossomed in my brain. “What the f*** are you cursing at me for? I’m not in your way or even on the trail spur.”
“When I tell you to move, get your ass out of my way.” He was angry. Like someone had stolen the bra he kept hidden under his bed.
“Sir, I suggest you depart with as much haste as you can muster. Because if you come closer to me or scream again, I’m going to tie your legs around your bicycle like a pretzel.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“No. I’m offering you the opportunity to become involuntarily limber. Now piss off.”
He called me a particularly interesting name as he started pedaling away. Because the crosswalk is 13 ft from the turn, the bicyclist did not have the right of way across the very busy road where people fly constantly.
He was so angry that he started across without looking in either direction. He was too busy screaming at me with his head turned.
Time slowed to molasses. The car coming down the hill screeched to a halt. If you guessed that the man spent several seconds shaking his fist at the driver and cursing her, you would be right.
As the guy on the bike pedaled the rest of the way across the street, the driver hit the horn and held it. The bicyclist jerked in surprise and once again stopped and recited a long list of curse words at the driver.
When he looked across to see that I was laughing, I expected literal fire to burst out of his head.
The weirdest noise filled my apartment. Even my cat lifted his head from atop his high perch on the sun-filled cat castle. I looked everywhere for the source – except for the very last place, where I found it. One set of my wireless headphones was beeping strangely. Assuming I was being pranked somehow or receiving an alien transmission, I let it beep.
Picking up my phone, I realized I had an odd notification icon at the top of my screen. It was one of the native Samsung apps, blaring that I had an important reminder. Opening, I saw that it was from a year ago.
“TIME TO PRANK! REMEMBER YOUR MISSION!”
I don’t remember the day, but obviously the September afternoon must have sparked a reminder that I needed to get back to basic craziness.
Most of y’all don’t get to see it when I amuse myself by doing my dubious quotes in Spanish. This is part of the way I keep myself entertained even when it looks like I’m doing drudgery.
I tried to snap a colorful photo of the rainbows flipping across my custom wood print in my bathroom. Instead, I got a goofy but boring snap that I illuminated. I’ve had people offer me upwards of 50 cents for this one of a kind piece of art.
I would snap a picture of my living room so that you could see the 500 rainbows streaming in due to all the prisms I have hanging outside. But the zebra won’t get out of the picture long enough for me to take one.
P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 