Scenes From a Country Church (A Story)

Josh drove along the country road, the smile on his face wrinkling its way up to his eyes. Next to him, Susie sang with abandon, her voice exuberantly mouthing the words to the Billy Joel song on the car’s media center. It was a song Josh knew well. He once disliked the song but loved hearing Susie sing it. She didn’t know that he hadn’t been a fan. Josh wanted her to sing it every time she heard it. He didn’t need to appreciate the song to love the person accompanying it. Susie didn’t know that the song was Billy’s favorite of all his songs.

Before their second date, Josh spent hours learning everything he could about Billy Joel. Susie shared a fascination with trivia and details about people’s lives. Susie listened in wonder as Josh recited all the facts that he’d learned about Billy Joel: that he had been a boxer and quit after his nose got brutally broken, that his ancestors were Jewish but that he had attended a Catholic school, only to end up as an atheist. Susie was horrified to learn that Billy also suffered from depression and attempted suicide by drinking furniture polish. She laughed in delight when Josh told her that Billy’s success came after failing to end his life.

“I learned to play the piano when I was very young, just like Billy,” he had told Susie. She raised her eyebrows in dubious surprise. “I hated it then but learned that music was as much a part of me as breathing. My mom told me that music would keep me sane. She was right. I can’t sing to save my life, though.”

Susie laughed. “We will see about that,” she mysteriously told him.

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“Where are we going, Josh?” Susie laughed as she stopped singing long enough to utter the question.

“You’ll see. It’s a beautiful drive. Just sing a little more. We’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” Josh smiled and kept driving.

The road became less maintained as he drove. Fences that were previously metal became loose barbed wire, and the number of houses decreased precipitously.

As he neared the old country church, he slowed and turned between the narrow confines of the ditch on either side. The church stood against a backdrop of old trees. The white steeple looked brilliant against the intermittent sun that peeked through the clouds.

“It’s beautiful, Josh. I love old churches!” She almost squealed. Her enthusiasm always bubbled up.

“I know. That’s why we’re here.” He pulled up closer to the church and shut off the engine.

“Want to go inside? I have a key.” He grinned.

“You have a key? Wow. Of course I want to go in.” Susie immediately opened her door and jumped out of the car.

Josh scrambled to undo his seat belt and follow her. She was already walking up the few steps to the door by the time he exited the car.

As he walked up to her, Susie turned and gave him a light peck on the lips. Josh laughed. Her affection still caught him off guard. He’d spent a lot of his life imagining what such attention would evoke.

Josh unlocked the door with the large key in his jacket pocket. He pulled the door open, and Susie darted in ahead of him. He shook his head in amusement.

As he entered, he flipped on the lights. The inside of the church flooded with sudden illumination. The wooden pews shone with the proof that someone still took the time to polish them. The wood smelled divine.

Josh took Susie’s hand and led her to the front pew. Her fingers folded effortlessly around his.

“Sit here, Susie.” Josh gestured to the front pew. A single piece of dark chocolate lay on the bench. Susie looked at Josh in surprise, realizing he’d planned this. Her eyes grew wide, and she smiled. She said nothing as she sat on the pew. She picked up the piece of candy, unwrapped it, and savored the bitter flavor as she chewed it. She nodded.

Josh bowed toward her as he turned. Both of them smiled. The church was quiet as Josh’s feet echoed faintly on the wooden floorboards. He walked behind the small altar and to the right. He sat at the old organ and looked at Susie.

“Did you know that Billy Joel considered himself a better organist than a pianist, Susie?” Susie shook her head “no.”

“I do too. And this one is slightly out of tune. I love the way it sounds. Imperfect enough to give this song the new life it deserves.”

Josh’s fingers began to play. Instead of the expected four bars of notes to precede the lyrics, he played an improvised version, much like Billy loves to do at his concerts. He looked over at Susie as he began. He was delighted to see that she was slightly shocked. The sound of the old organ flooded the church with melody and life.

“A bottle of red, a bottle of white, perhaps a bottle of rosé instead,” Josh sang, his voice cracking with emotion. Susie clapped in delight.

Josh continued to play and sing, his audience of one feeling the emotion he brought to the song. Time stopped as the wood structure of the church filled with melody and vibrated.

He played an improvised closing melody that faded into a hum as he finished the lyrics. “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” had never been played with so much love by someone who once thought it was a terrible song.

Susie had tears across her face as she sat in the pew in front of Josh. She smiled.

“Look under the pew, Susie. I left another surprise for you.”

As Susie locked eyes with Josh, she already knew what awaited.
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I won’t tell you what happened next. If you’re full of life, you already know. You can smell the wood, feel the melody as it dissipates. And you can imagine Josh and Susie and the life that followed them out of the church.

Facts You’ll Love

Facts To Amuse

The table fork was once seen as blasphemous and uncouth. I vote we return to knives and fingers. Family gatherings will either be calmer or more calamitous. Either way, we’ll have some great TikTok videos of the melees that ensue.

Bagpipes did not originate in Scotland, although they sure as hell sound like they should have.

4 of 10 American adults believe that man and dinosaurs lived during the same time period. So don’t be surprised that they believe other crazy things, too.

One you won’t like: it is actually safer TO WAKE sleepwalkers than let them continue to sleepwalk. This is another one that people argue about but the science is solid. P.S. NEVER wake up a manager. No one needs that kind of negativity awakened.

Birds will not abandon their young if you touch them or rescue them. It’s a myth that is so ingrained that I’m reluctant to include it. You can touch KFC wings all you want, too, even if you grab them from your neighbor.

Lincoln is the only president who was also a licensed bartender. He was also an accomplished wrestler. That obviously didn’t help him in Ford theater.

Several noted cowboys never wore cowboy hats, opting for bowler hats. Historical accuracy in film isn’t that important, especially when you consider that John Wayne’s real first name was Marion.

Your corneas don’t get oxygen from blood. They get it from the air.

Women have more tastebuds than men – and they are twice as likely to be supertasters and capable of discerning a wider variety of flavors.

In a group of 70 people, there is a 99.99% chance that two of them have the same birthday. Some people will read this and immediately start arguing; there is a word to describe the negation of a fact because of the seeming improbability of it. Obviously, I don’t remember what it is or I would have mentioned it. That’s called old age.

It’s crazy to believe that some apples are over a year old by the time you buy them in the supermarket.

Italy didn’t have tomato sauce until the 16th century because tomatoes are native to the Americas.

Twister was considered to be a little bit scandalous when it first came out in the 60s. This seems reasonable because it’s hard to watch good-looking people play Twister without feeling a little bit of hellfire on one’s conscience.

Cheetahs cannot roar, which is why they would otherwise make great wives.

Entomologists who study cockroaches often develop allergies to both ground coffee and chocolate.

Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

You can thank Shakespeare for the name Jessica, which he came up with writing The Merchant of Venice.

Lint that collects in the bottom of your pockets is called gnurr. For real.

A “butt load” is actually 126 gallons. I tell people this and they don’t believe it. It’s true.

The shape for a Pringle is technically Hyperbolic Paraboloid. Try using that word in a eulogy.

It took the dude who invented the Rubik’s Cube one month to solve it. This amuses me greatly.

Coupon Moment

Jessica gave me a page of Subway coupons. I stopped by this afternoon after work. The place was packed. On a whim, I realized that I could surprise all the other customers by sharing my coupons. All of them were pleased and even the workers were curious how creative I could be sharing them. Six other customers took advantage. A few combined their orders to not only save even more money but to take extra food home. We were all laughing. A couple of the customers said they infrequently get the coupons mailed but never think to use them. An older gentleman who was there said he was going to bring his entire sheet next time and do the same thing for anyone in the restaurant when he visited. Subway for everyone. Thanks, Jessica.

PS Oops forgot to include a picture of her that she will grimace about…

Sunday Afternoon

As I pulled up to the Casey’s, it was impossible to avoid looking at the tweaker. He was an indeterminate early thirty year old man, replete with thousands of dollars of tattoos across his exposed legs, hands and neck. He sat and shifted on top of the wood for sale out front of the store. His jerky movements were uncontrollable, his eyes and head shifting wildly. I could tell that at some point a few minutes prior the rain had washed him.

For reasons I’ll have to think about later, I felt a wallop of sadness. It was totally unexpected. I see my share of tweakers in Fayetteville. None of them started life with that intention. I parked directly in front of him and when I exited I said good afternoon. His eyes briefly met mine and then he nodded wildly.

While I waited in line inside, the younger man in front of me kept looking out the window at the tweaker. He told the man in front of him that he wished we could round up all the tweakers and put them down as an act of mercy. Though he probably said it offhandedly, the residual effect of sadness inside me flared into anger.

I told him that if that were the case, I hope he would be capable of doing the so-called act of m mercy himself because that kind of heartlessness requires personal accountability. And that perhaps he could call the tweakers mom and let her know that her son has zero value left in life. The younger man commenting was stunned by my words. Everyone grew silent for a moment. Momentarily I felt bad for what I said. It doesn’t matter what my motivation was. My comments did not add anything positive to the world.

It’s true I would not trust the tweaker in my car or my home.

I bought a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a soda for the tweaker. When I exited I placed the things on the woodpile next to him. I told them that the things were for him and he again nodded and grunted.

I know that I didn’t do those things for him. I did them for myself, to feel a little bit more human, and to express gratefulness that I had not chosen a road leading to where he is. It’s raining hard now and I know that he has nowhere to go. It’s likely we all know how his road will end. But there is a very small possibility that the universe will choose him for an unexpected upturn in life.

I drove away, glad that the young man commenting had a good enough life to foolishly think that such a thing could never happen to him. We all think that.

I don’t have a neat wrap-up or lesson here. I sit in my car inside my beautiful life, writing this without edit or correction.

Paraphrasing Alan Watts, he said that muddy water clears best when left alone. So I’ll leave my thoughts here unredacted.

Love, X
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Notes From X

My cat Güino loves pieces of Burger King’s Impossible burger as much as I do. I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s vegetarian. Yes, he speaks English, but only when I talk with a formal tone of English. (He’s a tuxedo cat, after all.)

Untrue fact: nipples are exclamation points in Braille.

I finally made it to 151 lbs, after weeks of trying to incrementally gain weight. My self-determined setpoint is 155.

True (But hard to believe) fact: you can lose up to 30% of your taste bud’s ability while flying. I won’t explain the three main reasons but it is fascinating. Flying while on mushrooms doesn’t count.

I’ve been subscribing to Everlywell’s at-home medical diagnostic tools. It’s allowed me to do an amazing array of testing that doesn’t cost me a fortune and gives me peace of mind. I did accidentally spray blood around the kitchen during one of my earlier tests. Evidently, you’re supposed to nick a finger rather than one’s jugular. My last test was for metabolism and its relevant testable components.

True fact: mace is made from the lining around nutmeg seeds. It is possible to get high from ingesting a lot of nutmeg. I tried to eat 74 slices of nutmeg-dusted custard pie (which I LOVE) and instead ended up with temporary diabetes and the ability to run to the bathroom faster than Flash.

True fact: the last letter added to our alphabet was “J” in 1524. Before that, the ” i ” was used for both sounds. This leads me to want to add other letters to the language, as English dropped a few along the way, which surprises people. Having said that, most Arkansans routinely drop several as they talk – and never bother to bend over and pick them back up.

My cape and mask gift provided a LOT of anecdotes. I’m not sure how to share them all. It was a total hoot. There were a couple of party-poopers about it, of course. Some people loathe others’ happiness, which is an unfortunate fact. But for some, I turned their disapproval in my favor by doing pirouette cape flourishes and magic tricks. My best trick was making the naysayers fall off my radar. One of my favorite moments was when two Latino construction workers were talking about me at the convenience store. I approached and told them in Spanish, “This cape allows me to understand and speak any language.” The looks on their faces were priceless. “Au Revoir and Auf Wiedersehen,” I told them as I spun, flourishing my cape and laughing.

The cape didn’t allow me to fly unless I’m experiencing a “Greatest American Hero” scenario. (That’s an old TV show for the whippersnappers reading this.) It did, however, give me a lot of joy and happiness – leaving me feeling like I was on Cloud 10, which is one cloud higher than the proverbial Cloud 9.

One more true fact: young children ask up to 300 questions a day.

A lesser-known fact is that a jealous wife or girlfriend asks 1000 questions an hour.

True fact: a woodpecker’s tongue wraps all the way around its brain. It’s a shame they can’t hold an ice cream cone, isn’t it?

Allegedly True fact: most of us spend a year of our lives on the toilet. I’m sure this is a low measure now, given how many go numb in the legs from scrolling social media and TikTok.

Untrue facts: Viking warriors wore helmets with horns. Completely untrue, although film and tv have cemented this false narrative into everyone’s brains.

I had more to say but I got sidetracked reading about all the things that people know to be true but are completely wrong.

“It was only when I bought a motorcycle that I found out that adrenaline is brown.” – Not my quote. 🙂

Love, X
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Unseen Life

I woke up at 2 a.m., an instant awakening, one flush with a weird sense of foreboding. Güino lay next to me. I checked the apartment, then my phone. Nothing was amiss. The feeling that something sinister had transpired wouldn’t dissipate.

Instead of preoccupation, I chose to put on my shoes and walk. The early morning was a blessing as I moved. The night was quiet. Even traffic, usually dormant at that hour, was more so and devoid of travelers. The roads were mine to traverse.

My mind was calm, but memories and thoughts flowed effortlessly as I walked. Nothing noteworthy happened as the minutes passed. Just me and my thoughts.

It felt like meditation.

It felt like peace.

Arriving back at the apartment and making myself a cup of coffee, I sat at the computer and Güino jumped to my lap for morning appreciation and cuddles.

Whatever unseen force that awakened me still echoed as an almost tangible sensation in my head. Even if I couldn’t perceive anything out of place, I knew that somewhere, someone was experiencing life differently. It’s the way of the world, a constant battle of chaos, energy, and circumstance.

It felt like peace.

It was meditation.

I knew I had to start my routine, the one that cements me into the world of normalcy. And so it begins, this day, two hours already racing past, never to be recaptured.

Love, X

Karen & The Chalk Rejoinder

As I was chalking up a sidewalk, a woman approached. I could tell she had something to say. She didn’t have a Karen name badge on but it was definitely her spirit animal.

“It’s a crime to use chalk on sidewalks,” she informed me. The tone of her voice was that of an indignant school marm from the 1800s.

I’m not proud that my sense of humor and the snark that overcame me. But I am giggling.

“The only real crime here is that you think those shoes go with those pants. As for the chalk, I will let children everywhere know that they are felons if they get out the sidewalk chalk.”

She snorted in disgust.

I wrote underneath my message and drawing: “Karen disapproves of this message.”

I will bet $100 she comes back in a few minutes and erases some or all of my beautiful artwork with her foot. Or perhaps her forked tongue.

Honestly, I’m glad she was snarky and mean. I get really tired of people being happy and tickled by me doing this.

Tuesday Superhero?

Look what Marilyn and Larry sent me! I guess I know my new role and responsibility for today. I’m wondering if I should WEAR the cape and mask today? Tuesdays need a superhero. I’ll go find some miscreants as soon as I leave the apartment.

Thanks, Marilyn, I got a great laugh – and felt appreciated for this surprise gift.

Love, X