I made my first bottle of Eau de toilette. Goodness gracious, the missteps I could recount about that! I smell like the red district in New York City. It was a failure. But one I’ll do again. And again. I learned many lessons: if you’re diligent, there’s no reason you can’t make a scent precisely to your heart’s desire. Also, most people might not realize how many unique scents there are, both exotic and mundane. I’m not sure what I made. I’ll let you know tomorrow, depending on whether the building is evacuated.
P.S. Today was the perfect day to do 2,000 pushups. 🙂 Tomorrow, I’ll settle for less than a thousand and hope that no one calls me out for “being lazy.”
I left work and walked down the hill to the lower parking lot, feeling the sun and the cooler temperature soothe me. Work was fast-paced and physical today; I walked for miles before work, as well as obsessively did an insane number of push-ups at random intervals.
Because I’m not the brightest, I didn’t know that I had Google Fit on my phone until last weekend. Today’s tally by 1 p.m.? 25,000 steps. Please forgive me if it sounds like a humblebrag. The truth is that I woke up early this morning and felt compelled to wander the streets; evidently, all of them. 🙂
Walking down the hill, I saw a man with a black backpack standing at the Razorback bus stop. I said, “Hello,” as I passed him. “How are you doing?” He returned my greeting and said, “Good, except waiting on the bus is a pain today.”
I crossed the plant barrier along the outer rim of the parking lot. For a moment, I thought I had my car stolen, though. At that point, it dawned on me that I parked in the parking garage this morning. (Stolen by myself and hidden from my memory.) I turned and went back up the hill and found my car. I assume it was mine, as the key worked. The odds of there being two tiny Chevy Sparks that color of spa blue was slim. After walking so much, I didn’t care if I had the wrong car.
I turned and drove back toward the lower lot. The man with the backpack still stood there. I turned into the parking lot, exited the car, and said, “Hey, this is going to sound weird, but do you want a ride instead of waiting for the bus?”
He looked at me with a bit of surprise on his face. “How do you know which direction I’m going?”
Without missing a beat, I said, “Pam told me.”
He was confused. “Who is Pam?”
“Exactly. I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Doesn’t matter where.” It seemed like a good gesture.
He bent and picked up his backpack and walked over, and got inside the car. “These are small, aren’t they?”
“I get a different car each time I gain or lose weight,” I said. “I should have been driving a Tahoe until last October.” I laughed.
I introduced myself and tapped my work badge to show him that my name is X. He told me his name was John.
“Where to?” I asked. “This is like non-profit Uber, so make your wish.”
“I’d like to go to Walmart, actually. It’s not where I was headed, but I can catch the bus again from there. Is that okay?”
“Yes, lord knows they need the money.” We both laughed.
He told me that he is a part-time student at the university. He wanted to go back full-time but couldn’t afford it this semester.
“It’s a long story,” he told me.
“Yes, and it’s a long life,” I said, laughing. “There’s not really a deadline for school. Keep going, even if you can only afford a class or two at a time. You’re going to burn through the years anyway.” I didn’t tell him I knew this from experience; the grey hair on my face and head probably made that clear.
I drove him to the Walmart by the mall. As he thanked me for the ride, I told him, “I’m going to Home Depot to return a can of paint. If you want, I can drive back over and pick you up.”
“Nah, that’s kind, but I can’t ask you to do that,” John objected.
“You didn’t ask me. I offered. It’s not out of my way.”
He thought about it. “Okay. I shouldn’t be more than fifteen minutes, but I’ll be by the garden center side of the store.”
He walked toward the Walmart entrance, and I risked life and limb crossing over to the opposite side of the road where Home Depot is. The traffic in that area is hair-raising on the best of days.
Thirty minutes later, I saw John standing where he’d said he’d be. He didn’t have a Walmart bag, so I assumed his purchases were in his backpack.
“Where to? It better be somewhere interesting,” I told him.
“To campus, if you don’t mind.”
“Mind? I’d love to see what’s going on there and ponder that it’s been 35 years since I first attended school there.” That’s a sobering thought, that expanse of time filled with a lot of living.
While I drove, John asked me about my name and the backstory. That turned into quite the conversational odyssey.
“That is cool, X.”
I dropped him off in one of the campus parking lots.
“Nice talking to you, and thank you so much for the rides. Most people wouldn’t pick up strangers, X.” John smiled.
“You’re not a stranger anymore, John. Besides, Pam vouched for you.”
He laughed unexpectedly.
I drove to the apartment, thinking about John and his story and how many thousands of people live a similar life here in Fayetteville. They arrived with plans and a timeline; life intervened, and they adapted.
I’m trying to figure out why I didn’t put a rocking chair on the deck. Fall has its hands on my shoulders.
As I leaned against the railing, a hummingbird flew up to feed, less than two feet from my head. Another one swooped in, darting around, and hit the first one. It darted down and hit me in the chest and fell to the boards of my decking. I leaned down to pick it up before I had the inclination to wait. As I stood up and held it loosely, I spread my hand with fingers splayed. The hummingbird madly fluttered its wings and flew up. It did so within a foot of my face, and then turned and darted away.
I don’t have a tidy recap for the moment.
Love, X
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The above picture is not a typo. Look closer.
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I don’t have a house. Or a lawn. So why did I buy a lawnmower blade on Amazon? I’ve had a totally stupid but creative project on one of my lists for FIVE years. It is going to come to fruition. This is the kind of time and whimsy that fuels me. Even crazier, I’m wondering why someone hasn’t marketed my idea already. It is SO stupid that it would sell like hotcakes. Lord help us all.
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The above picture is one I drew at work years ago. A talented co-worker colored it in. He recently sent it to me.
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Though I took this picture when the sun might have greeted me, it’s a picture of a streetlight.
Regardless of whether it’s the sun or artificial light, the truth is that if it illuminates with the intensity of what you need, both can be true.
If you embrace a truth, though it might not be factual. your life will radiate your embrace.
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I don’t understand the appeal of having a pot to piss in.
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I tried to adopt a cat yesterday. The zookeeper got really angry and I also have a lot of claw marks on my buttocks now.
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I figured out the perfect way to avoid getting into a fight. Simply stop for a second and put on a bright red shade of lipstick.
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At this moment, I REALLY needed a joke, so I pulled one of the 700+ I have done from my draft folder…
A friend of mine had a breakup with his girlfriend.I looked at a picture of her. She’s a pretty woman with light hair.
I told him, “I guarantee that I can describe your frustration with the relationship and with how she is toward you – and probably make you laugh in the process.
“No, I don’t think you can, X.”
Here’s what I quipped:”Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Blonde.”
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This morning as I discarded things from the work fridge, I stopped and reread the scrawled words on top of the old vegetable platter: “… help yourself please for everyone.” Though the words were written with the intention to let everyone know that they should take what they wanted, I couldn’t help but realize that it was also metaphorical. The way I read it the second time: “Help yourself. Please. For everyone.”
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Usually, I enthusiastically jump out of bed. Wednesday punched me in the face this morning. I thought of this Douglas Adams quote as I stumbled around the living bedroom. (My hybrid name for mine.):“Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.”
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The Brian Law Of Guitar: You NEVER ask yourself if you SHOULD play the guitar or loudly; the question instead is for how long.
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If I were a gangster, I’d carry a clarinet in my hand everywhere I went. People would never see it coming, getting hit hard on the head with one of those. And, if played, probably causes just as much head pain as getting hit with it.
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Self-help and affirmations can be problematic: I asked a co-worker why she was eating 23 bags of Doritos.”My counselor told me to be the bigger person.”
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Since not all of y’all have a straight-talking ex-military handsome older man around you, I’m going to quote Clisson from this morning: “I ain’t got time for young girl problems with an older woman.”
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Family photos for the new apartment!
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Juan sped past me holding a suitcase.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Just running something past you.”
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The only complaint I have with the dealers in this area is that none of them take personal checks, PayPal, or Venmo.
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Someone pointed out to me that an arrow is basically a projectile knife. And I pointed out to them that both E’s in the word “pee” are silent – which is weird because the activity rarely is.
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Call me crazy, but I want to form a mariachi band, one in which everyone plays a banjo.
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I was going to learn to moonwalk. But I need $422,692 to get there.
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As a joke, I signed up my neighbors for Mensa. 50% of them thought they received coupons for feminine hygiene products.
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It’s weird to think that the future version of you is talking a lot of smack about you, and wondering what in the heck you were thinking today.
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Everyone asks about the security at the new apartment. I have an ax, hatchet, and pellet gun. The best feature I installed? You have to solve a basic algebra equation using an abacus, which is tied to an electronic lock. Given the demographics, good luck. .
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I wanted one inside for a long time. So I bought one in the color I wanted. Y’all can proceed with all the old people jokes you want. I remember the last time when I flirted with buying one of these. I was 75 lbs heavier and the weight limit was slightly under that for the chair I wanted.
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Apartment Adventures”X, why is the fridge in the bedroom?””Well, some people say they love food.”
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I wrote the best possible marketing tagline for the American BDSM Association: “…When You Need Someone To Mistreat You Right.”
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2005 vs 2021, aka 97 lbs. The guy on the left could have eaten the guy on the right. .
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(t r a n s l a t e d anecdote)”Yes, I would like the Jesse’s Special.Without the queso, without the tortillas, without the rice,” I said.”Uh, that leaves just the chicken only, sir.””Serves the bastard right for crossing the road, doesn’t it?”.
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My friend Jessica told me I have a face that’s hard to forget. Just as I started to feel the compliment, she added, “…and that works in favor of the police sketch artist!”
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Unity and harmony aren’t always a positive thing. Just ask the voices in my head…
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Epictetus: “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”I have: Life. Choice. Opportunity. Whether I squander them is entirely my choice or fault. This has been true for my entire life, whether I believe it or not. At 54, I believe it. Love, X
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Knowledge you won’t find in a textbook: “Never complain about not having a shoulder to cry on if you’re around cannibals.”
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When I met the new Latino coworker, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I didn’t like him, although something about his name, Adversario, gave me pause..
A visit to Sam’s proved valuable in my quest for tomfoolery. The door checker was very adamant I use the Scan-As-You-Go feature. I told him I thought that was for the bathroom. (Is that joke funny?) Among my many feats, I went down the chip and nut aisle and scanned every item on it, about 50 items. And then asked for help to remove “a couple” of things I needed to delete from my app checkout cart. Several people asked for assistance because I still wore my work badge, soft purple shirt, and fantastic Dance Commander brooch. I did my best to help them except for the last guy, who was in a bad mood and couldn’t find the coffee on sale. Without missing a beat, I told him it was all the way in the back rear corner, past the paper towels. Note: it’s not there. But it was the furthest point from me in the store. He walked off, and I decided it would be a good time to leave. I hope he complains about me to the manager! If I don’t get Employee of The Month, I’ll know who to blame. . The picture of 3 photos is of the upper right corner of my fridge, which I’m loading with photo magnets. Everyone in the pictures except me suffers or suffered from addiction issues. Of the 5 other people in the photos, all but one of them died with their addictions. My sister Marsha is making another heroic effort to right her ship as I write this. Having phrased it slightly wrong when I said “other than me,” the truth is that everyone suffers if they love someone with addictions. Watching someone get on the diving board and stay there and then lose the battle is one of the most painful experiences any of us can live through.
There are no bystanders to addiction. . It’s nice having a metal door. Not because it heats up to 180 F in the summer. Or prevents most people from being able to kick it. No, I like it because I can fill it with photo magnets and nonsense. . The purpose of the picture of me against the brownish wallpaper background is two-fold: to show the brooch I wore today and to give publicity to someone’s kitchen wallpaper. I’m not standing in said kitchen. I took a picture of me standing near the trail and transposed myself onto the wild wallpaper background. The brooch inspired a lot of comments: Is it a pilot’s insignia? Was it a repurposed military medal? My go-to response was this: I’ve been promoted to Dance Commander. Whatever you do, DO NOT go to YouTube and watch “Dance Commander – Electric Six.” I love the song, but I’m guessing 103% of y’all won’t. (It’s more than 100% due to the number of my social media friends who have multiple voices in their heads.)
. The picture of the two pennies was the second brooch I made. I gave it to my Director as a gift. If the joke is too thin, it’s this: “Here are my two cents worth.” It might come in handy in conversations.
. The picture of the broken watch is sentimental. I broke off 1/2 of the band and attached a brooch clip on the reverse. I couldn’t bring myself to discard the broken watch. The phoenix in me told me to give it new life – so I did.
. The fuchsia-colored bird metalwork is something I had made by Married To The Metal on Etsy. I painted it when I moved here. If you’re interested, you should look up the word “Onism” on “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.” It’s delightful and an apt reminder while I live inside this box. It is where I discovered the word “Sonder” and many others that are a delight.
. The picture of the edge of my deck is my color tile project-in-the-making. Several of the neighbors probably think of me as some kind of artist because, most days, I’m on the deck painting a variety of things that look out of place. The apartment simplex has a variety of people: dealer, disabled, dog people, and probable serial killer. I have a lot to shoot for if I want to become the most infamous resident here. To be accused of too much color and art would be a glorious compliment.
. I went outside and picked up a lot of trash. I quit, though, because my neighbor Bill got angry when I tried to put him in a trash bag. Please take a shower, Bill. Joking aside, I find myself picking up the mess here often. It’s not my job, but I hope I never get to the point where such things don’t register in my brain; doing so will mean I’ve accepted my environment. There are several things about this place that are very much in need of handcuffs, flamethrowers, or eye-rolling. While I was out, I managed to place another prank in plain view. Just call me Prank Sinatra. . A FedX truck barreled into the parking lot while I stood outside, relishing the breeze. The driver had salsa music blaring. For southerners, ‘salsa music’ isn’t music you listen to while you eat Tex-Mex, by the way. The driver was surprised I greeted him in Spanish. I love watching drivers pull up and always hope they need a signature. They can expect a lot of interesting scenarios with the crowd who lives here. Barking, sometimes even from actual dogs, suspiciously-folded window blinds, and a strange cast of characters. . I have to go choose among my 17 colors of paint and see what needs brightening now. I know I don’t. I hope the mood lasts. Last evening was a challenge for me. In closing, I’d like to add: no, Marilyn, I don’t have a cat yet, although I suspect I ate a bit of cat food in the cafeteria this morning at work.
I have a couple of quotes/rules of mine I made quite a bit back. They are the result of a lot of agony. No disrespect is intended for anyone who has struggled with these issues – or struggled because they love someone with them. Over the weekend, one of the coolest actors to grace the screen, Michael K. Williams, aka Omar from The Wire, died as a result of his struggle with addiction. Don’t make the mistake of confusing addiction with intelligence, willpower, or environment. Once it gets its claws in, there are often no lengths those suffering won’t go to in order to feel something – or to feel nothing. That escalation scrapes everyone around them. If you’re in the periphery trying to get closer, you get entrapped in the ever-tightening spiral.
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Here they are:
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The M.T. Rule:The surest way to cause yourself heartache and anxiety is to interfere with someone who is racing to rock bottom.
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The M.T. Rule Addendum: NOT doing so results in identical heartache and anxiety.
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Covid has worsened people’s ability to cope. It’s largely hidden until the spiral does enough damage to draw attention.
I walked down the hill toward the parking lot. Because I arrive so early, I don’t habitually park there. Maybe it was luck or providence. I observed a man I see quite often, one who used to ride a bike but now walks and takes the bus. He was emptying his backpack into the little pantry by the road. I took out my wallet and pulled a $10 bill out. As I approached him, I told him that what he was doing was a fantastic thing, handing him the $10 bill, and letting him know it was for lunch or anything he wanted to use it for. He was a little bit speechless. I tapped him on the shoulder and said thank you. I know he was smiling under the mask. Both of us were rewarded. I walked away, feeling like for the second time today, I had made a connection that otherwise would not have happened.
PS I didn’t write this post to look good. I wrote it because that anonymous man deserves recognition. There is no way he has a lot. But he has somehow found a way to help others.
Can you believe that shoppers at Lowe’s are forgetful and goofy enough to drive off with items on top of their vehicle? Who does that? We’ve all seen them.
As I was leaving, a man in Silverado pickup waved at me like a long-lost old friend. I waved back, probably with the same look Steve Martin’s character from The Jerk had when he shouted “He hates those cans!”
The Silverado driver finally did enough pantomime to make me realize something.
I was given this Jesus pendant as a little surprise.
Since I received a bit of advice from Erika, who has a lot of jewelry experience, something many people don’t know, I chose it to be my first DIY brooch. Amazon and Hobby Lobby provided my first essential kits to get started. Anything can be a brooch if you’re sufficiently motivated. That’s fair warning. 🙂
I ordered a simple soldering kit to learn to make them properly. You’ll know when the kit arrives, because you’ll see a post of me being surprised I melted my fingers or stuck the soldering iron on my cheek accidentally.
I had the Jesus pendant on the window sill facing the kitchen, displayed.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that I discovered that it was actually a directional double image locket; one perspective Jesus, the other Mary.
Not to stretch the comparison, but I wonder how many other obvious surprises are hidden in plain sight.
The fact that I’m kind of a doofus for failing to realize it’s actually a visual illusion shouldn’t be a surprise.
It’s devilishly difficult to photograph these!
It’s the first brooch I’ve ever made, at least in an attempt to do so properly.
Love, X
PS I’m not a Christian, but I love the message, even as I continue to fail to remember to do unto others.
Out of the blue, I got invited for a holiday get-together at a former supervisor’s house today. The same supervisor invited me to enjoy Thanksgiving with her and the family years ago; I enjoyed it. (And that was back when I was really crazy, by my own admission. No matter what Becky says, I know I drove her nuts a few times.) It was a surprise to be around Becky as a person. Knowing people at work compared to seeing them in their own private cocoons is always a treat and a revelation. Work requires us to deviate from who we are. It’s not something most of you would disagree with me about. I didn’t go to the get-together. Instead of making an excuse, I told her daughter that anxiety was the culprit this time. And it’s true. But the surprise invitation made me remember that there is an entire world out there. Such an odd thing, my reaction. Is this too personal? Isn’t everything?
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P.S. Parenthetically Speaking 