Health, Lemon Moment, Mental Health, Opinion, Personal

Forever Radiant…

12/14/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

I know this can’t go on forever, this radiant burn and energy.

Can you see it in my eyes from the picture?

I’ve earned the wrinkles and the scars. I’ve earned the smile today, too.

I’m sitting here with the door wide open, enjoying a warm December afternoon. Güino, my tuxedo cat, prowls the landing outside, awaiting another squirrel’s visit. I watched a few divebomb the bird feeders outside today, collecting pecans, peanuts, and even suet from the songbird’s offering plate. It’s cloudy outside but such clouds have never brought melancholy; quite the opposite.

When I went outside this early morning and felt the air, I wanted nothing more than to put on my other shoes and take off walking across Northwest Arkansas. Work of course pulled me back to reality. I used the pace of work to draw me into a blurring zone of activity; hallways, concrete, and lots of stairs. Now that I have a Fitbit, I realize that I’m logging 50+ floors each day, which tickles me. I can walk 25,000 steps without giving it a second thought. As my friend Tammy taught me, “Nothing tastes as good as this feels,” the occasional realization that I don’t realize that I’m walking without another hundred pounds of me on my back. It feels like I’m gliding on air a lot of the time. I wish I had done this transformation twenty years ago.

I got to hug Kathy, a coworker of mine who has logged 30+ years there. She’s retiring Friday. I made her a personal canvas with a departing message, one conveying the bittersweet goodbye of her approaching and permanent absence. I didn’t start greeting her warmly or with a hug until a little over a year ago. Covid aside, that’s a shame. Personal connection helps all of us nullify that urge to be ‘professional,’ aloof, or behave in ways that violate our obligation to treat each other as people first and foremost.

Even after work as I wandered Walmart in search of people and stories, I felt like I was radiating an aura of energy. I helped three people while I was there. My biggest reward was saving someone a few hundred dollars on an alternate laptop. I gave the woman my email address and told her to write me if she has any issues with her Chromebook. I wished a few dozen people “Merry Christmas!” as I glided around the aisles. I saw the biggest afro hair I’ve ever seen there. I watched as someone cleverly misused the self-service kiosk to avoid paying for an item. (You get what you make us pay for Walmart.) Another man pulled at least twenty jugs of milk out of the cooler to inspect some unseen quality that only he could see. And I handed the Salvation Army bell ringer her choice of diet or regular soda. Thankfully, she chose regular, leaving me to down the entire bottle of Coke Zero in about two minutes.

If I felt this way every day, I’m not sure it might not be too much. It’s a wondrous feeling while it’s happening. I find myself mourning its eventual loss, though, as ridiculous and odd thing as that might be to say.

My sister wrote me, telling me that she’s still having difficulty, especially now that another round of inevitable physical symptoms creeps up on her. I can’t imagine struggling with addiction and past patterns. The ones I have are enough to keep me dancing; her shadows are longer and deeper than mine. Our pasts overlap and because of that, I understand the complexity.

Meanwhile, I’m going to step outside and take another short walk. I feel like I might be leaving visible energy trails in my footprints. I hope so.

And I hope that some of y’all are feeling exuberant, too, even if you can’t identify the cause. For many of you, it’s Christmas season, when exuberance is supposed to infuse your life like the first observed lightning bug of the summer.

While energy cannot truly be erased, our measure of it is limited by the burning fuse of our lives.

I can FEEL my fuse burning. I know I sound crazy sometimes. But if you can imagine looking up at the sky and sun and thinking to yourself that the same force that powers the universe powers us, it might be more relatable.

What goes up must come down. That’s okay. I’ve captured this day-long feeling of radiance and bottled a bit of it in my memory.

Nothing momentous happened today. And that’s precisely why it felt so precious.

Love, X
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Lemon Moment, Music, Personal, Uncategorized

Ha!

12/13/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

I guess it’s only fair that Marilyn and Larry surprised me with a recorder or flutophone. I bought them emergency clown noses a few years ago. True story. Should I go stand in front of Target and pretend that I’m jamming? Will people pay me to shut the heck up? This could be really lucrative. A pay-to-not play win-win!
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Christmas, Holiday, Humor, Personal

Is Santa Real … A Cat Wonders

12/12/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

What do you suppose Güino is thinking? Santa brought him a couch. But Güino knows the apartment doesn’t have a chimney – and that Santa’s girth alone is too wide for such a thing, much less while pushing a couch down the chute. Güino is 13.5+ years old and too old to believe in Santa. I think he wants to leave Santa one of my protein drinks and fiber pills instead of milk and cookies. But it could land him on next year’s naughty list.
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Behavior, Fashion, Personal, Weight Loss

Medium X

12/10/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

Okay guys! I thought extra large shirts were a miracle. Then large. Now I am at medium. My manager found an old badge of mine at work, one from at least 12 years ago. Even he was caught off guard that the person in the photo was me. As egotistical as it sounds, I’m still having trouble realizing that my light feet and flexibility are truly here to stay. But my confidence tells me otherwise. It’s not about thinking I look good. It’s about knowing I’m again like I’m supposed to be.

Love,X

Art, Decorative, DIY, Fayetteville, Lemon Moment, Personal, Project, Whimsical

Of Life (And Literal Limbs)

12/09/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

Over the last few days, I painted another 6″ X 24″ tile. I drilled holes in six places to make it easier to secure safely in my surprise location. I glued dozens of multi-colored glow-in-the-dark rocks to the front. On the back, I wrote a truth of mine in marker. The truth is very personal. Anyone who wants to know it will have to climb a considerable height to do so.

This makes me happy.

After work today, I climbed a tall tree before I lost my nerve. It’s the first tall one I’ve climbed since my surgery. It was tricky getting up there with a two-foot-long tile strung around my neck as I ascended. As far as I could tell, no one noticed me as I rose the vertical surface of the tree, carefully finding my foothold. After twenty feet, my reluctance vanished, and I forgot all about the possibility of falling. I’m just as likely to get killed by a rogue intestine or a plane falling out of the sky as I am climbing a tree. Besides, I laughed at the idea of my precarious fall being covered on the local news or the What’s Up, Fayetteville group. “Arts & Crafts Take Local Man’s Life” would work nicely. “Idiot Falls While Doing Performance Art” also serves its purpose.

As the limbs thinned out, I stood, watching the area below me. It was beautiful. I took the tile, ran steel wire through the open holes, and secured it from one primarily perpendicular limb. Not wanting to leave the view behind, I sat near the trunk and just felt the wind around me.

It was a stolen moment!

After a few minutes, I climbed down in one quick descent and stood back on the ground. I looked up at the pretty colored rocks and the brightly painted long tile. Yes, that would do nicely.

Where did I place the beautifully decorated tile? That’s the question, isn’t it? Take a moment and stare up into the slowly appearing upper branches of the trees around you. “Look up, not down” is not only a symbolic reminder to find yourself and answers looking directly into the world, but now also a practical guide to ever finding my hidden-in-plain-sight tilework.

Beauty is anywhere you find it, y’all. Even if you never find my tilework, look around and find the people and things that light you up. Give them attention and appreciation. From time to time, look up to behold the wonders that we forget to see. If you can do so, look at yourself in the mirror and remember that no matter who you are, someone loves you. Merry Xmas!

Love, X

Brother, Exercise, Personal

The Backward Clock Runs For Mike

12/08/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

I stayed up last night walking the town instead of sleeping. I did manage almost two hours of rest. The cold was a perverse distraction and relief as I walked without music, phone, or Fitbit. For whatever reason, my energy level was high despite the lack of sleep. I went running this afternoon, thinking of my brother Mike. I couldn’t help but be nostalgic about his absence. It motivated me to run like the wind, thinking of us when we were younger and when I started running out of the blue in 9th grade when we lived in Tontitown.

Wearing my lucky red ripshirt, I ran for him and for all the life he is missing out on. Though I love all manner of dreary weather, the sun was high today and I ran through the streets lined with countless apartments. Every time I thought I couldn’t run more, I reminded myself that Mike would love to be alive and out there with me if only he could have conquered his addiction.

There were a lot of people out and about today. I waved to most of them and wished anyone who could hear me a “Merry Xmas.” A guy near the E-Z Mart a few blocks away responded unexpectedly with an “Eff Xmas!” as if he meant it. I quipped back, “I’d like to, but the dinner I’d have to buy would be expensive.” He looked at me quizzically and just shook his head. A couple of days ago, a woman told me, “I don’t celebrate Xmas.” I said, “That’s okay. You might not be married, but you can wish your friend a happy anniversary, can’t you?” She was unamused by my quick wit.

Today, in addition to hitting my highest recorded number of steps, I’m going to break my “floors” record, too just to be arrogant. I try to get 50+ a day. I’m only 30,000 steps ahead of my nearest Workweek Hustle challenger, not counting the unrecorded 9 miles from last night. 🙂

Apart from all that, I was grateful that I woke up able to run, walk, and climb stairs. It’s not something I take for granted and especially with all the energy I unexpectedly woke up with for the day. Anxiety did grip me for a bit – which is always a surprise when I feel like I’m energetic. The workday beat that out of me.

I sit at my desk, watching my backward clock tick away the seconds, minutes, hours – all of which can’t be taken for granted. Mike would be nodding in agreement.

P.S. Merry Xmas

Love, X
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Whimsical

Another Motley List…

12/06/2021 X Teri Leave a comment

I got my first invitation for a Workweek Hustle Challenge on Fitbit for this week. Should I be worried? These were the stats as of 3p.m., after I went running.

I’ve seen 6 different birds in the last 10 minutes. 7 if you count the one Steve floated at me as I went by. His didn’t have feathers though.

I wonder how suspicious I looked early this morning, walking down Appleby. Holding multiple colorful and overstuffed bags, multiple strings of colorful balloons, a fuchsia painted skillet, and a laptop. Surely this is something everyone sees at 3:00 a.m.?

Y’all should congratulate me. I got chosen to spearhead the new conflict resolution program at work. After careful consideration, what I came up with and made is going to save the company a lot of money..

What a gorgeous morning it has been. It feels like March. I stood out on the landing with my dumbbells, trying to corral Güino, who was losing his mind at the sight and sound of birds and squirrels running amok. Even though I was standing right next to him while he sat on the bench next to the kitchen window, he jumped and FLEW halfway down the landing to peer into the window with lovely cats and bird feeders. You can hear me walking in my ugly flip-flops to retrieve him. He spoke to me when I picked him and cradled him. I’m pretty sure he was cursing in cat. I lovingly whispered curses at him in human. He didn’t care. He had his run and adventure.
I’m also doing laundry while I exercise. I’m trying to decide what prank picture to put up in the laundry/dungeon room this week. The other fun thing is this week is sock week. As you might remember, I replace all my socks simultaneously, instead of mixing old and new like a savage. As I wear socks, I throw them out when I’m about to switch to new ones. I have one more pair before hitting the exciting milestone of opening the four dozen pairs I bought last week. Hey, you have to find the good moments in everything. It amuses me that I have to buy different socks since losing weight. I also lost an entire shoe size. I guess I had fat feet, too.
A quote to close: “If you want really practical advice, you ask the black sheep of the family. With wisdom, you learn to ask them only by text.”
Love, X

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Is the following comforting or anxiety-inducing?”Nearly every object in your house can be used to kill you.”I’ll bet if you’re a married man, you’ll be more likely to sleep with one eye open. .

If you eat a dust bunny, does it count as protein? Asking for a friend.

Well, since I’m burning 3500-4000 calories a day 5 days a week, I might have to have pizza and a banana for breakfast, ice cream and salad for lunch, and pie and broccoli for supper. I haven’t decided what to eat for second breakfast, brunch, or second supper. The fascinating thing is that I FEEL like my energy level is beyond human at times. P.S. No, I’m not pregnant.

Evidently, I got tickets to the circus. I’m basing that solely on events already this morning. I’m definitely not the ringleader, but I suspect I might be the monkey. Happy Friday!

Stolen & Adapted Memes #25

After sending my résumé to Stafford Engineering, I was excited and astonished when they called to say, “We have the perfect spot for you, X! You know the word ‘foolproof’? That’s what we’re hiring you for.”

Stolen & Adapted Memes, #23

Stolen & Adapted Memes #34

11:30 p.m. musings: Guino must think it’s Xmas.

I asked the universe for a sign. I think it said, “Don’t stand in the middle of an empty intersection at 3 a.m.”

Quote from Reddit. I made the picture.

Stolen meme, adapted by me. 🙂

I propose that we put ridiculously uncomfortable speed bumps at every stop sign. Then allow anyone who wants to try to speed through to give it a shot. #letswatch.

Quick question… I made a brooch out of a small Bic lighter…
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Which explanation is more humorous?
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If someone asks me how I’m feeling, should I reply and say, “I’m feeling a little lighter!”
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OR
“I’m wearing this in case I need to light a fire under someone’s butt?”

Nutrition Update: I ate all but one slice of an entire large pizza, followed by a lava cake. Admission: I could have easily consumed the last piece and the box it arrived in, too. 150 or bust! And I just might after all that…Update to the update: I ate two lava cakes and ALL the pizza.

It’s a slow process, gaining muscle. Meanwhile though, I’m going to enjoy this large box of peanut M&Ms. If you would have told me 13 months & 21 days ago that I would be struggling to gain weight to hit 150, I would have laughed for a minute. And then maybe perhaps have nodded. I can still hear the bell as it gonged in my head. For anyone worried about me being too thin, I’m not losing weight. I’m doing what’s very difficult to do at 54. And that’s to change my body mass. Unless my body throws me another surprise, I’m going to do just that.